December 17

Think of the most terrifying, topsy turvy, gravity defying roller coaster and multiply it by 20...maybe 30.

That's been my life since Thursday, May 26; really since the night before.
It all became reality on Thursday morning though.

I've been on a roller coaster ride from hell ever since. It just keeps getting crazier; sudden drops leave me feeling sick and the adrenaline expended leaves me exhausted. There have been high moments, low moments and moments where the ride leveled out. It seems like a lot of work for a roller coaster ride, and I feel like I've done all of it for nothing. I won't get to see how it ends. Not yet anyway. Sometime within the next 10 years I'll get a chance to finish it, but I'll have to start for the beginning.

I'll be ready next time I hope...or as ready as I can be; I mean how ready can you be for a hellish roller coaster? It's been a test for sure. Love, support and a loyal dog have gotten me through this round.

Having to trust someone completely beside my parents, trusting him to help me, trusting him enough to tell him my deepest feelings, insecurities and thoughts and then trusting him to stay no matter how ugly it got...well it's been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
Has he been perfect? Not even close. Could he have done a lot better? Hell yes, but we're both doing the best we can and learning as we go.
I'm only this hard on my parents, and that's because you expect the best from the best, or I do anyway. So I've raised my expectations of him and he's done a very good job of trying to meet them. I hope I still feel the way I feel now about him after this is over.

The most amazing thing (second most amazing actually) is that I realized my birth mother really did love me. That's a huge life changing realization, because until now my relationships have been affected by me thinking she abandoned me and didn't care. She did what was best for me.

Also aliens aren't so scary anymore.

I wish I could have said everything as it is, but I can't.

I'll leave you with a date to ponder. December 17th.