Blah

Hormones are a bitch. They make everything...more...more.

They make bad feelings worse and good feelings better.

Good feelings are in short supply.

I had a good weekend aside from the cigarette. That wasn't a good choice. It was spiteful and stupid, but whatever.

My brain is scrambled right now. I have random thoughts and incredibly complicated nonsensical thoughts and I can't tell what is real and what is hormones. Stupid hormones...

So on another note, I've noticed at random times a homesick feeling. I'm not homesick for Maine, because I'm here. It's Toronto.

My bad day started with a dream I had:

I was in a large building and the sea level was rising. I was working with people to fix a shield against it. Water kept coming in and I had to run to a higher floor. I ran into someone, but I was still busy trying to fix the shield. I can't remember what happened after that, but we were safe in a private room. We were lounging on the bed watching tv and he proposed. My elation didn't last long before I woke up. I guess my brain knew it wasn't real.

The reality of the situation is difficult enough. I don't need it seeping into my sleeping hours as well. Maybe that's why I can't get to sleep early enough anymore. I stay awake until I'm too exhausted to think and then I can fall right asleep without a problem.

The only upside is that I have made it this far without chocolate. I might feel better if I had it though...

Cruel Irony

Tonight I watched The Emporer's New Groove. I've been wanting to see that for awhile. I can't remember what triggered the urge, but I think it had to do with Katya (like Vano said on OE in his sleep "I dunno...something to do with Katya") Oh good times.

Anyway, now I'm watching Tarzan. I haven't seen it in a long time. I liked it, but it used to make me sad and I didn't know why. Now it's quite obvious why, but it doesn't really make me sad anymore. Also I just realized that it was Matthew Broderick playing Simba. That's kind of weird.

I've been struggling with a couple things since returning from Toronto. I really do want to live there eventually, but I guess if I make some personal changes, Maine is still a good place.

I had dinner with Beans on Wednesday. He said the one thing I knew was true, but have been so unwilling to say. Being reassured that it was okay makes me feel a little better, but not enough to say my biggest reason for staying in Maine. It's probably pretty obvious, but once you say something, you can't take it back.

Sorry to sounds so cryptic when I'm usually so...blunt.

More detail in my private blog for my good friends who want to know.

Last but not least, I named this entry Cruel Irony, because Luke's friend is in my bio class and that friend's girlfriend is in my other bio class. I can never escape him. That's the cruel irony. It's kind of funny though.