Blah

Hormones are a bitch. They make everything...more...more.

They make bad feelings worse and good feelings better.

Good feelings are in short supply.

I had a good weekend aside from the cigarette. That wasn't a good choice. It was spiteful and stupid, but whatever.

My brain is scrambled right now. I have random thoughts and incredibly complicated nonsensical thoughts and I can't tell what is real and what is hormones. Stupid hormones...

So on another note, I've noticed at random times a homesick feeling. I'm not homesick for Maine, because I'm here. It's Toronto.

My bad day started with a dream I had:

I was in a large building and the sea level was rising. I was working with people to fix a shield against it. Water kept coming in and I had to run to a higher floor. I ran into someone, but I was still busy trying to fix the shield. I can't remember what happened after that, but we were safe in a private room. We were lounging on the bed watching tv and he proposed. My elation didn't last long before I woke up. I guess my brain knew it wasn't real.

The reality of the situation is difficult enough. I don't need it seeping into my sleeping hours as well. Maybe that's why I can't get to sleep early enough anymore. I stay awake until I'm too exhausted to think and then I can fall right asleep without a problem.

The only upside is that I have made it this far without chocolate. I might feel better if I had it though...