It's Time

All dressed. Took about 3-3.5 hours. I wasn't really paying attention. I'm ready to go and waiting for my ladies...and Jared...Yeah not as smooth with the guy, but it's all good! Here are a couple of photos for your pleasure ;-)

Pre-dress up
half dressed...skin...scandalous!

Here it is...you ready?!


You love it. So will the hockey players hahaha. Can't wait to see the others dressed up. We should be a hot bunch.
More photos tomorrow probably...

Final song of the evening: TiK toK - Ke$ha. I love it. Perfect for getting ready.

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
Grab my glasses, Im out the door - I'm gonna hit this city
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
Cause when I leave for the night, I aint coming back
Im talkin' bout - pedicures on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
Drop-toping, playing our favorite cds
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy

Dont stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight
Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the clock
But the party dont stop no

Aint got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Aint got no money in my pocket, but Im already here
Now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger
Im talkin' bout - everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys tryna touch my junk, junk
Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk
Now, now - we goin til they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down
Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us -

DJ, you build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me
With my hands up
You got me now
You got that sound
Yeah, you got me

No, the party dont start till I walk in

Dont stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight
Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the clock
But the party dont stop no

Deanne The Arsonist

Over the past 3 days, I've been listening to Atreyu a lot. Well that's all I've been listening to really. They take me to that happy place. This may seem weird since Alex does a lot of screaming especially in the earlier albums.
I've been listening to Suicide Notes and Butterfly Kisses a lot today. It's a pretty depressing album, but I like it anyway and it doesn't depress me. Once upon a time I could relate to A Vampire's Lament. Yes, I was that depressed. I just enjoy the song now though. I don't relate to most of the songs on that album now, but there are a few lines scattered here and there.
Lip Gloss and Black is and has been my favorite song since the album came out. The beginning is just so...beautiful. Then the Brandon leads up to the first verse with his beautiful drumming skills. That first verse is my favorite and I always quote the first part of it.

If I gave you pretty enough words, could you paint a picture of us that works? Emphasis on function, rather than design.

Maybe it's because I choose difficult guys. I don't know. Don't care really. I just like it. The point is that when someone you care about that much is in pain, you try to ease their burden by putting it on yourself, but of course that's hard on you and frustrating if they don't let you in. It's romantic in a dark way, the self sacrifice. I guess I relate to it because I'm constantly sacrificing my own happiness and time to help other people. Is that so bad? Maybe some day I'll burn out, but right now helping friends makes me happy even if sometimes I feel worn to the bone and like nothing will ever change. Luckily, up to this point, I haven't felt completely pessimistic about anything for even a whole day.

For example, I've been worried about a couple of my best friends recently, because they've been having a difficult time in college. I want them to do well and be happy. So I sent one of them a care package, and that seemed to brighten her day, along with some advice. After that I felt better as well. I miss her like crazy.
And of course, there is the one who either manages to make me feel completely miserable or happy. Like I said, luckily I'm not a pessimist, so I don't let that keep me down for long. My stubborn streak also comes in handy in that situation. Part of it is my fault though. I won't deny that. I should be more honest about when my feelings have been hurt. I'm just not very good at being vulnerable. Is anyone though?
Strength is valued in this culture. I'm not saying that's bad, but I'd like to feel like I can let my guard down. The conversation in my head is going something like this:
Take a chance
I am taking a chance damn it
Take a bigger one
FINE

I'm silly like that.
Funny I didn't think I had anything to say today. I was just going to post another song from Suicide Notes and Butterfly Kisses that I like. So I will now. This is the first song that I was ever introduced to. No warning of how loud and how much screaming there would be. At the time, the only screamed words I could make out were "fuck" and "shit."

Go
Coward, the next time you want to fuck me over stab me in the front.
(Can I still see my future in your eyes)
Or can I picture myself stone dead in your embrace
And your cruel crimson smile kills me quietly

No one could have their moments free from your withering touch...
Fuck off like you're the only one who has ever cried or been broken by love
Spare me your pity party drunk off your own misfortunes
Wallowing in your blissful melancholy

Can you taste my blood?
You knew that this would kill me but you carried on and on with your selfish shit.
Everyone cared about you why couldn't you
Instead your greed compelled you to steal other silver linings...

Burnt down my world, you killed my hope
Spread out the ash and walked away
How could you just close off your eyes...
Turn tail and run, you are the greatest coward

Come On
Damn right I'm still pissed...
Next time I see your face we'll see who has the upper hand
Kiss my fist. Taste the floor. Tired of your games... fuck off goodbye...

Here Comes The...Wedding Guest?

In about a week and a half my mother and I are driving down to New York for a wedding. Yes, a real black tie New York Wedding...the fairytale kind.

Here's the deal. My mother's mother came from Vienna. Granny had a school friend in Vienna before the war. Years later, in New York, granny ran into her old friend, who happened to have a son close to my mother's age. They have been like siblings ever since. I've seen them a few times over the years and met their son a couple of times. They are the definintion of a Jewish family living in New York. They have the large house in New Rochelle, the giant bathrooms that should belong in a nice hotel...They have it all...and now their son is getting married.

I'm not sure why I agree to go to this wedding. It seems exciting, but I don't really want to be back in New York for a very long time. Also there's the whole it's-a-wedding-and-I-don't-have-a-date situation. I'm going with my mother. It should be somewhat fun and very sentimental though. I get to wear fancy dresses and my basic clothing will fit right in with typical New Yorker wear. In Maine I always look overdressed. Whatever. I like it.

So why am I concerned? I'm not sure how deep to delve into this subject, because I'm not sure I want the public knowing all of thoughts on weddings. From the view point of a typical single lady though? Weddings are nice especially if you know the couple, but that doesn't mean we're not kind of hoping the bride will trip on the way down the isle. Not fall, just stumble...and of course we'd feel horrible if it actually happened (for the most part). Mostly there will be tearing up, smiles and sentimentality. All the stuff that makes men under 30 run away, at least temporarily.
What this doesn't mean though, is that any woman who reacts like that wants to get married right then and there and settle down. Common misconception. It's just a beautiful experience and slight fantasy (kind of like threesomes would be for men).

Anyway, 2 hockey games, Imani and Halloween this weekend. Maybe I'll get drunk and entertain you all again in my slutty outfit...that didn't come out exactly right. I'm not a hooker! Halloween is just a nice excuse to be slutty for an evening (what a change from weddings, huh?). :-)

Now on to carve my pumpkin and harass Lucas by text...

Aren't You Tired Of Being Weak?

I'll end on a positive note, with my favorite song for the past 8 years.

If I gave you pretty enough words
Could you paint a picture of us that works?
With emphasis on function rather than design
Aren't you tired?
cause i will carry you
On a broken back and blown out knees
I have been where you are for a while

Aren't you tired of being weak?
Such rage that you could scream
All the stars right out of the sky
And destroy the prettiest starry night
Every evening that I die

I am exhumed just a little less human and lot more bitter and cold...
I am exhumed just a little less human...

After all these images of pain
Have cut right through you
I will kiss every scar and weep
You are not alone
Then I'll show you that place,
in my chest where my heart,
still tries to beat;
It still tries to beat

Aren't you tired of being weak?
Such rage that you could scream
All the stars right out of the sky
And destroy the prettiest starry night
Every evening that I die

Live, Love, Burn, Die...

So You Think You Can Dance: Top 20

I think this will be the greatest season yet. My favorites are Karen (sexy latina!), Russell (first crumper on the show and from BOSTON), and Legacy.

Karen's partner was a hip hop artist this week and they did the cha cha. I was impressed by him. Karen...was off the fucking hook. She's gorgeous. She has so much talent. She can move her hips like crazy...or like any real latina. I really want her to win.

Russell did the fox trot. He was pretty smooth. Obviously as a crumper, it wasn't his thing. Still, he amazed the judges. Like they constantly say, "is there anything he can't do?"

Ryan was also amazing tonight I thought. Sonja's choreography was so unique and exciting (as always). Did you see those tight black pants and absense of a shirt? He's gorgeous, but a little to buff for me really. He's also married to an ugly woman who is also on the show. I'd rather see him with Karen. His chemestry with his current partner was great though! Great performance from both of them!

Pauline is adorable! Plus she likes photography! Partnered with hip hop dancer Brandon because Billy Bell had to go home due to sickness. They did the waltz. I loved her white dress! There were some gorgeous spins, but some of her lines could have been better. Billy...needed work, but for being called in at last minute, did pretty well.

Katherine and Legacy went next with hip hop. I like them both. They seem like an interesting couple. Loved the outfits! Legacy....well just look at him. I thought he got it down perfectly. She did really well for a contemporary dancer and just in general! The piece was great itself. I loved that she knocked him out at the end! Knocking boys around is fun! Their chemestry was amazing....and Legacy "wooed" like Mary Murphy! hahaha!

Nathan is adorable. I don't like Molly. She seems immature for the show. Their dance was disco. It was way too stiff, especially on her part. Most couples don't get that down until they're in the top 4 couples.

Other than SYTYCD and Congregation of the Damned my day sucked. I'm tired and holding a small grudge against Luke for falling asleep on the couch :-)

I'm In Love

No really, I am. I've been waiting for Atreyu's new album to come out for months and today was the day; is the day! Their new album is entitled Congregation of the Dead. I just came back from bullmoose and listened to it in my car all the way home.

What can I say? This is the best album they have ever made. Each album up until now has been different. Their first, Suicide Notes and Butterfly Kisses has always been my favorite though. My favorite song was Lip Gloss and Black. My favorite quote of all time comes from that song.

If I gave you pretty enough words, could you paint a picture of us that works; Emphasis on function, rather than design.

This album though...it's amazing. It's a combination of all the albums in one. All of their best in one album. Each song makes me want to get up and rock out. It's so good I even cried.

They've been together for 10 years. I discovered them 8 years ago, when my first boyfriend introduced me to their music with the song, Deanne the Arsonist. It was quite a shock, but I loved it! They/my first boyfriend got me through one of the worst years of my life. They're the only band I never get sick of. I love ALL of their songs. The boys are great too! Brandon Saller is my hero! He has the most beautiful voice and his drumming is...so fucking good. I love Alex. His scream is the best and I love that he even sings now! Best guitar I've ever heard. Little Dan is so adorable and so fierce! My favorite riff is still from their first album toward of the song, Someone's Standing On My Chest." So fucking good live. I've seen been lucky enough to see them 3 times. Talking to Brandon Saller and telling him that he was my inspiration for drumming was so amazing. Last time they came to Portland with with Taste of Chaos tour, they came out wearing Pirates jerseys. That was the most amazing moment of my life...until now.

My only regret is that I will not be in New York to see their show and they don't have anywhere closer planned is their tour. I'm still half considering driving to New York though. It's not gonna happen, but still....

This album is better than chocolate. It's better than the best orgasm in the world. It's better than me and it's better than you. So go out and buy it. Don't tell me if you illegally download it, because I won't forgive you. Better yet, Don't illegally download it period.

Favorite Song from each album:
1. Sucide Notes and Butterfly Kisses: Lip Gloss and Black
2. The Curse: Nevada's Grace
3. A Death Grip On Yesterday: Ex's and Oh's
4. Lead Sails Paper Anchor: Slow Burn
5. Congregation of the Damned: You Were The King , Now You're Unconscious

In order from favorite to least favorite:
1. Lip Gloss and Black
2. You Were The King, Now You're Unconscious
3. Nevada's Grace
4. Slow Burn
5. Ex's and Oh's

Favorite Album to Least:
1. Congregation of the Damned

2. Suicide Notes and Butterfly Kisses
3. Lead Sails Paper Anchor
4. The Curse
5. A Deathgrip On Yesterday

VS: An Unhealthy Obsession?

After receiving the Victoria's Secret catalogue in the mail and pining for everything in it, I started to think about how much underwear I have. I've come to the conclusion that I own $310 in bras alone. I would guess it would be a total of $600 with underwear included. That's completely insane. Underwear is my weakness though.
I was being good about avoiding the urge to buy until part way through this summer. I went shopping with Katya and probably bought $80 worth of bras and matching underwear in H & M. Then I was good until Iszy came back for the long weekend. She wanted to look for a bra in Victoria's Secret. I told her that I wouldn't buy anything before we went in and pulled my tres sexy hat over my eyes to avoid looking. 5 minutes into the store I see a yellow bra, grab it, and pay $40 for it. My excuse: "you don't understand! I've been looking for a yellow bra for 2 years!" So now I'll probably be good until christmas time...