Judgement

I just wrote an entry based on my anger, so I had to delete it.
Here is the new one without anger, but perhaps with a bit of disappointment and sadness in the direction of some people and hope and appreciation in the direction of a very few others.

The past two months have changed me for the better. It's obvious, or I thought it was. Ultimately it doesn't matter if you think I have or not, but depending on who you are, I'm disappointed to see that you haven't been paying attention to it.

So judgment...
First I was judged by a certain photographer. He judged me too fast. This helped me to see more clearly where I am emotionally distant. It also helped me to see that I couldn't open up to him, because he was not the one I truly loved.

Then I decided to go back to the one I love, because he had shown me that he had changed. I knew everyone who had been involved as second, third and fourth parties would judge me and my decision.

I allowed one friend in particular to protest it for 15 minutes straight on the phone. I listened to my closest brother's doubt and I witnessed the extreme disbelief in my own parents faces. I received warnings from many others. I listened to it all and did so with patience.

I suppose I can't expect everyone to understand; Not everyone has been in my position; not everyone has been in love.

You don't have to be able to understand to accept it or to see the changes I've gone through.

I'm not a child anymore. I'm not a teenager. I'm an adult. I'm a woman.
There comes a time when parents are no longer the first in line and a partner is. This doesn't demean what they have done and how they've helped through the years or to say that they aren't still very important. Our "girls" and our "boys" remain constant, but there comes a time when they don't get to know everything and must accept our significant others (unless caught cheating or unless undecided of course) and other life decisions as they are.

I know that my heart and head are in balance. I've never felt more right. I expect everyone to accept that. The fact that I say he has proven himself to be the most trustworthy and loyal person I know should be enough for everyone else.

That shouldn't be a slap in the face to anyone. It's not to say I don't trust other people greatly. I do...and I'm grateful for the friendships.

The biggest differences are that he has never purposefully hurt me physically or verbally, that he has never taken his anger out on me (although I know there have been quite a few times when I pissed him off), and his restraint and calmness when I have said things to hurt him.

This has all been achieved over 6 year of on and off interaction. It's not impossible for others to achieve that level of trust and I hope everyone strives for that as I continue to strive to better my relationships with others as well.

Judge me if you will.