Family and New Year's Eve

Not together.

Apparently someone broke into my cousin's house. I love my Canadian cousins. They're pretty awesome. (unlike my southern cousins...er just one. Marcus seemed okay). After visiting this past summer, I'm hoping to keep in more regular contact with them like we used to when the family (the jewish side) would gather at Granny's house in CT for Thanksgiving and her birthday. I feel a little bad, because I don't have any fondness for my southern cousins and I know my dad and nana wish I did. Oh well.

But anyway, I have a busy week. I'm pretty excited about it all. Hallie comes home today. It's been weird without her. I'm used to seeing her at least once a week. Our grand adventures shall continue Wednesday though. We're running an errand for my dad to Keene, New Hampshire, but I thought it would be a fun mini road trip. We have to fit 20 boxes of Duct Tape Isn't Enough in my car some how. Later today Kat and Micah are going to help me take Luca to be bathed and I might see Emma. Looking forward to hearing about "Le boyfriend's" trip to Maine. Also buying my dress tomorrow.

New Year's plans are settled. Dinner and a fancy party at Vano's. Theme: The Fame. Love love love Lady Gaga. Then a late breakfast and the NHL Winter Classic. That's a ritual for us. Recuperating from a late night/watching the big outdoor hockey game. Bruins vs. Flyers. Flyers can go to hell.

I just felt the need to share my plans for the week, because I'm really excited. I also think you should know that my dog is funny when he sleeps. He snores and when he stretches, sometimes he keeps his paw high in the crate door. I had to put him in his crate at 10 tonight because he kept barking at the corner of the media room. There's nothing there except the couch, so I have no idea what he was barking at. He also wouldn't stay off the couch. It was weird. It always makes my day when I'm sitting on the floor and he comes over to me. He tries to lick me everywhere and somehow always ends up sitting in my lap or tonight, his front paws ended up draped over my shoulders.

Last but not least, I just learned that "The Rev" aka Jimmy Sullivan, the drummer from Avenged Sevenfold passed away. He was a crazy man and incredibly skilled.

Douche

I've been pretty fortunate with guys, but sometimes one comes along who is a complete douche. He tells you that you're great, you're special, he likes taking walks with you, and that you deserve better than your current boyfriend. He tells you he would be the one if you weren't with your boyfriend. Eventually you break up with your boyfriend (for other reason) and decide he's a great guy. Then you find out he's dating 2 other girls. Then you find out he chose one as his girlfriend. He never told you any of this though. Then he says "I like you more, but I can't just dump her." You realize he's lying. Awhile later they break up and you're back in the competition (supposedly). Then he chooses someone else, but he still flirts with you. You finally learn though.

3.5 years later it's late at night and he "randomly" contacts you. Doesn't that sound like a douche move to you?
____________

Today has been rough. I realized I've had very little contact with friends over my break. I love my dog, but I need people to stay sane. I'm rethinking having 3 kids, because mum said that's only a taste of what it's like to have a kid. Luckily that won't happen for awhile anyway. I've been so frustrated that I almost cried in Sebago tonight. Silly me. I'm not sure what made me feel better: food, friends or le boy. Actually I am sure, but anyway I feel a bit better now.
New Year's plans have been finalized
I'm seeing Luke tomorrow?
I'm seeing Kat on Tuesday
I'm going to see a movie with Carol sometimes this week.

The most interesting part about Sebago was all of the horrible racial jokes we shared. Mine was probably the worst, but I'm a Jew so I can tell Jew jokes. Also the part where Carol was jokingly complaining about not liking being single/not finding a good man. It was partly a joke and partly not. I said "I know!" They all (Maddie, Beans, Vano, Carol and Kat) turned to look at me. Carol said "please girl! you don't need to complain." She was joking. We all were...kind of. So I guess I don't get to complain about my situation. I guess us in betweeners aren't allowed. That's okay...kind of.

I feel like a hypocrite sometimes. I know I'm not because everyone's situation is different, but that doesn't changed the way I feel. I tell my friends not to put up with flaky guys because they deserve better, when I do. I tell them to be more patient with their parents because their parents love them, but sometimes just don't get things, when I snap at my parents frequently. I tell them there is more than one person in the world for them when I have no idea. I tell them it's okay to cry if you're upset when I won't let myself cry around anyone. I tell them to put more trust in people, but I'm slow to trust people myself.

I have my reasons. "5 years must mean something" "he's afraid of getting hurt again" "my parents know I love them and can take it" "they started it" "fate and soulmates can't exist because then what would be the point of getting out of bed and living?" "Everyone has to think I'm stronger than I am" "It's difficult for an adopted person to trust" "never knowing would be worse" "he changed/is changing" "i said it to avoid getting hurt" "I thought it would make me feel better"
Those are just a few.
_____________

The end of the year is approaching fast. I'm beginning to wonder if I was wrong about change. I guess we'll find out. I'm not the kind of person to stand back and wish though. I do wish, but I act too.
I've been thinking about a resolution that I can keep. Maybe being more honest and straight forward? I'll start New Year's Eve. Should make for an interesting year.

Santa Claus Is Not Coming To Town

Old Town Square, Praha, Česká Republika

Sorry kids. Hope I didn't dash your dreams.
My present didn't come wrapped. He came through a door on a cold winter morning. His eyes were exceedingly sad and chocolate brown. The kind you could drown in. He swiftly crossed the room and kissed me. I wrapped him in my arms and he rested his head on my shoulder as though he knew he was home.
His name is...Luca. I bet I got you on that one! Maybe not though...
Anyway, not expecting many presents tomorrow because Luca has become, as my mom says, "a thousand dollar dog." (vet, necessities, etc)

I'm still holding out for the best gift (besides Luca). It won't come in a package tomorrow. It won't come in a package at all. Got my hopes up and fingers crossed. You know me (if you know me, that is), I always have my hopes up. I'm happy to say, I haven't been disappointed yet, but there is always more.

Christmas has come so fast this year. I haven't played many Christmas songs recently, which is unusual for me. Honestly, I've been so busy with Luca, I can't keep up with what day it is. Kind of lacking that extra special warm and fuzzy feeling this time of year usually brings. I feel luke warm. Maybe because I'm so tired? As a result the romantic aspect of the holiday season hasn't really hit me. That's probably a good thing. I'm not seeing couples everywhere and hoping they slip on ice. Just kidding. I would never think anything like that...maybe...("You'll never know...")

I'll save that negativity for Valentines Day. I hate that day. I hide and pretend it doesn't exist.

Speaking of couples during the holiday, I only thought of them today because I watched the Christmas tree lighting ceremony (a rerun obviously). At the end there was a sing-a-long to Walking In A Winter Wonderland. The camera stopped on a couple. The woman was singing enthusiastically and the guy was kind of bobbing along, but looked to embarrassed to sing. The woman turned to look at him and they both burst into laughter. It was the cutest thing.

Last order of the night: New Years. I'm pretty damn excited. Honestly I don't care if there are 8 of us or lot more. The important thing is that I get to be with all of my favorite people (hopefully all of them), look pretty (not that I don't most of the time), dance and laugh. I love planning parties, decorating and baking etc. Then I get to enjoy the evening and watch the ball drop in Time Square and maybe...