Bodies

You know, the ones I hide behind my condo. It looks like once again I've said too much. Oh well!

What I'm really referring to is the part of the workshop where we talked about and worked on women's/our bodies. Generally I felt connected to the group, but not so much for this part. We talked about fat oppression, which is something I'd never really heard of in those terms before.

This society is so out of touch with the real meaning of beauty and individuality. Skinny is in. Anorexia and Bulimia are in. Remember when people that skinny could only be found in concentration camps and third world nations? Well I guess it's still true in poverty ridden areas, but it's a mainstream thing now. It's one thing to be naturally skinny. It's another to starve yourself, create an over-exhausting exercise routine and constantly put yourself down because you no longer have a realistic idea of what your body should look like. It should look like you. healthy. For everyone that image is different.

Fat oppression is, put every simply, the belief that if you're large, it's your choice and every day people judge you for that. Some people are naturally larger and that's healthy for them. There is nothing wrong with that, but society says there is and so it's harder for those people to accept themselves, be happy with their bodies, and be accepted by others.

So we split up into two separate groups. Those who classified themselves as large women and those who classified themselves as allies to large women. I was in the latter group.

Our focus was on appreciating our bodies. This was pretty easy for me. There's a lot more that I can appreciate about my body than criticize it for. I love looking in the mirror. I do it before I leave for class in the morning or wherever I go and I think "wow. I look pretty damn good." Then I can walk around with complete confidence all day, because I already know I'm a smart cookie (yeah PMS is beginning. There may be more references to sugary or salty food). What could be more beautiful than a smart, beautiful woman right?

Well unfortunately that scares a lot of men. Again, with the sexism, but the best can appreciate it and like it. Am I confident? Yes. Always? No, but most of the time. Am I conceited? No.

However, I didn't feel like I fit into this group very well. After all, I'm Latina. We have different bodies anyway. Someone told me a story about someone else who had told them about living in a latino neighborhood in New York. She said these Latinas were curvy and some even had bellies, by which I mean non flat stomachs, but they wore clothing that conformed to their curves and carried themselves with the utmost confidence and the men liked this.

I wasn't really surprised by this story, I've seen that myself after living in Hempstead for a year. My ex from Trinidad is a great example of this. His opinion of a beautiful woman is a brown woman, who has curves and who's "thighs touch." That's simplifying it a little and limiting it to brown women is a bit racist on the opposite side of the specrum (directed toward white people), but that's what he told me. I was shocked when I first heard him say this. My reaction went something like this: "wait...what? thigh's touching?" I have never heard a man from this country say anything like that, which is unfortunate. However, I'm sure there are men in this country who would agree with my ex, but in general that's not what this society accepts as beautiful.

I suppose if we lived in a society without opression of any kind we wouldn't even have "types." We could see the attractive qualities in everyone. For example, my "type" is generally tall, brown hair, brown eyes, broad shoulders, square jaw. These are all traits typical in white American society, which I have grown up in.

The reason I don't generally find brown or black men attractive? Well there are 2. First, racism. I've grown up in a white society where racism still exists, not just a little, but a lot. Everyone everywhere carries a racism with them to a certain degree. It's at the point where we realize this that we can change it. Sec0nd reason is because I still have a lot of anger directed toward my birth mother and family, which I associate with latino's in general. I've gotten better with not putting that anger on all latinos though and I've decided to finally learn Spanish.

More to come...