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The Pirates are, but I'm glad. I like the team better as a whole without Nate, Tyler Ennis and Mark Mancari. I like those guys, but they take too much away from the rest of the team. The others live in their shadow.

I heard Dineen yelled at Nate yesterday. Apparently he said he would bench him for the rest of the season if he didn't start playing as part of the team. I hadn't noticed that myself so much. To me it seemed like since last season he hasn't trusted himself enough and frequently passed to other players. He used it get in front of the net and makes stuff happen. Then he didn't make the Buffalo team and Tyler Ennis came along and took his light.

Anyway he left for Boston today to play against them tomorrow. I saw him on his way out. He passed me and said hello and I said hi. I knew he was leaving today, but I didn't realize he was leaving at that moment. I would have said good-bye if I had. I wish I had said something. Then I freaked out because I thought he had deleted me from friends on facebook. When I checked again though, that wasn't the case. I highly enjoyed his company. He's very introverted and rightly so. He's been getting so much attention since BC and probably even before that. It's pretty difficult trying to figure out who talks to you for you and who does it because you're an attractive, professional hockey player. At the same time it's his responsibility to be generous with his time and attention with the public. He's good with children, but he could be better with other people too. Most of the fans thought he was cold/distant. He wasn't really with me though. He was nice and I quite enjoyed our conversations. It just takes more effort to get to know an introvert.

So bottom line is that I will miss him terribly. He has the best smile in the world, he's funny and he's normal. Now he's gone. Maybe he'll be back, maybe not. I hope for his sake he's finally made it to Buffalo to start his NHL career.

I will also miss the stoned facial expression that Tyler Ennis always wears. It was hilarious. I'll miss Mark Mancari's constancy and strength on the ice, but neither of them like Nate.
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I went to see my sister yesterday in Boston. It was pretty fun. We went around shopping. I was exhausted on the way back. I didn't realize until this morning that I was kind of depressed and it had to do with yesterday. How to put it? She's white....no, wait, she thinks she is. She doesn't seem to realize that we're latino and we have latino bodies. She bought into societal pressure about weight. She's not anorexic or bulimic, but skinny. To me it looks unnatural...un-latina. No curves. Just straight. She's also heavily into fashion in a way I'm not. She's judgmental and doesn't really seem to know who she is. She would say "this is ugly" or "these people should never wear this."

So if I seem down, that's why. I didn't really know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I can't tell her what to do or who she is. Afterall, she shares my blood and my stubbornness. She's doing things at a younger age than I did...yet sometimes she says she wants to be like me. She's not though. I know i'm above average when it comes to the attitude of people my age. I know what I want, I have confidence, I know which people make good friends, I don't drink constantly, I never did drugs, I deal with my stress/problems in healthy ways, I eat pretty well, I try to get enough sleep, I knew smoking was stupid and didn't do it for very long. How many people my age do all of these things apply to? Not very many.

© Pixellate

The hardest part is standing back and letting her make her mistakes...some of which I made and learned from and offering advice only when asked. Being an older sibling is a tough job and I don't think our younger siblings appreciate it enough until they're much older...kind of like we all don't appreciate our parents efforts until we're all older. It's tiring and frustrating, but I like it. I think any good eldest sibling would say the same. It's flattering to have someone look up to you and to see them grow up. I do actually enjoy her company. My sister is a good person and I think that going to college will give her a broader perspective of who she can be and hopefully she'll find herself along the way.

Anyway, I didn't realize any of this until I brought Luca home. I sat in the hall and cried, while he curled up in my lap to comfort me. I do not know how I could live without him. He keeps me present and my love and caring for him has heightened my understanding of love and caring in general.

You can say he's just a dog. Just don't say it to me, because he's not to me. He's my baby; the innocent life I am responsible for; my constant reminder of what unconditional love really is.