Fever

I'm ready for this week to be over with. What about you?

This past weekend was great. Ladies night was so much fun. We should do it more often. It was nice to see Rick for the first time this year. I stole the key to the trunk of his car. That was fun. Saturday was uneventful, but that's exactly what I needed. Then went to see Avatar in the evening with my parents. Just as good the second time around. It made me think about indigenous people (I'll get to that in a minute). Last night was the super bowl. That was pretty fun too.

This coming weekend should be the best of the month, although I think the 21st will probably be the best Sunday of the month.

I've always wanted to have a big brother. Being an eldest sibling is a lot of work. I usually enjoy it though, except when I'm worrying that my little sister is going to mess up. I guess that's just part of life, but it sucks when she says she wants to be like me and then does things I wouldn't have done. I feel a little guilty about being the "good" daughter. I know it's a lot to live up to. I'm not saying she's "bad." Not at all. I'm just...the one people tend to be jealous of. I get a lot of shit for that, but I refuse to be someone I'm not to make it easier.

The point of that was that I wish Simon Ferguson was my older brother. Out of every older guy I know, I would choose him. No...I've never wanted an older sister. I know I have 3, but I don't know them. Simon is a 26 year old man child...who I just realized in 2 months younger than a guy I dated. That's a little weird. Anyway! He's fun to joke around with and make fun of, but he knows when to be serious. So I'm really excited to see him back in Portland on Friday. I even made brownies this time! It'll be the best game of the year I bet.

Plus I have a new addition to my purse (some of you know what that is). That will make the night even more spectacular.

There is another game on Saturday and that is the weekend Katya comes home. Yay!

Then the next Sunday Hallie and I are going to Manchester for the all star game and the after party. I'm bringing Luca, because the hotel is pet friendly. I might get to stand on the bench and take photos. That's pretty exciting and obviously we all know the craziness that ensues when young hockey players party. I will enjoy it thoroughly, but don't think I won't smack them if they try anything. Silly boys. Not looking forward to the early drive back before class though. Luckily it's just my Psych lecture, so I can bring coffee and pass out when I get home. My parents would probably frown upon this, but I have everything planned out, (school, dog) so I feel prepared. It's my crazy 20 year old adventure of the month, because I'm not going to Boston today.

I really wanted to though. I would love to see the bean pot. Nate is going (psh BC alum bah!). I think I'm pulling for BC though. I'll definitely watch it in between House and Heroes tonight though. I have a feeling I'm going to be wearing BC clothing, because of that bet I made...

I'll save indigenous people for later after homework.

Sports

So the Colts lost. It's unfortunate, but they made some mistakes that they shouldn't have and that's that. Peyton needs to take a couple of days to cool off, and then revisit his mistakes. The rest of the team, likewise.

So I'm not annoyed that they lost, as much as because people being ignorant of why they lost. "They lost because they suck." Well that's intelligent. Not. That's like saying, "the kid stole a candy bar, therefore he's going to grow up to be a bad person." Really? The Colts were the better team, but they made mistakes, therefore the Saints won. It also bothers me that people were rooting for the saints because of New Orleans etc. The game and the talent are about the game and the talent. Like team USA beat the Soviet union back in the 60s because they were extremely conditioned and played well as a team. It was about doing their best, not showing the Soviet Union who was boss. Sure to many people it was about that, but how much did they really know about hockey? How much would they have cared otherwise? Not much. Yes it's great that the Saints were able to win their first super bowl, but the focus should be on talent, effort and teamwork first and foremost.

I could tell you the strengths and weaknesses of each guy playing for the Portland Pirates. I could say the same for a lot of other players and teams in the AHL as well. I could tell you what makes the Buffalo Sabres such a great team this year and compare them to last year and the year before that. I could compare them to many of the other teams in the NHL reasonably. I won't root for another team just because someone I like is on it. They have to be talented, team oriented and with a good team. I know why the Colts lost, although I don't know all of the terminology and rules. I'm proud of the fact that I learned everything I know about hockey on my own, without asking questions of other people and I've been learning football the same way.

However, not everyone is so observant and not everything is so easily understood. I always appreciate the willingness to learn when a friend asks me a question about a sport or a team. Who better to ask than those who understand and experience it the most.

I have always disliked ignorance, but sports ignorance is near the top of the list. It's my field. I'm going to be an expert afterall. I expect people who have an opinion about a sport (whatever sport it may be) to be well informed and rational about it. I don't see anything wrong with that expectation.

Seeing Red

It appears that I have a lot of pent up rage. I think I've been storing it up since I was about 4 years old and it pertains to particular memory, but I won't discuss that here.

I've said this before, I don't get mad. I don't. I'm honestly afraid of what I might do if I let it out. I guess recently I've realized that there are healthy ways to release it though and then it will be gone forever. Really anger is just a cover for hurt. I think it's safe to say I have a lot of that in me too. Luckily I can get rid of all that nasty stuff.

Today I was in the process of becoming very angry, but still in control. I can't lose it until all the facts come in after all. I did that once before, and almost made a huge mistake. So my hands were shaking badly, all of my muscles were clenched and I was ready. Then I realized it was a false alarm and I immediately relaxed. What I thought was interesting was that my anger suddenly disappeared. I know that's not possible though, so now I'm wondering where it went, because it's obviously still hidden somewhere.

Now to enjoy another relaxing weekend at the cabin. I finally get to see Avatar in the Imax theater tonight and tomorrow is the super bowl party!
GO COLTS! (They're my team)

I'm not really considering going to the beanpot on Monday night. I really want to, but I don't see it happening. This makes me sad. :(

Valentines

I decided this year I'm going to make them for some of my friends (girls) and Beans. Might make one for Jared E. too, since he's basically my brother. I won't give too much away, but I figure Beans at least could use a laugh.
I love creativity.
Now to sleep and not dream about being pregnant like last night...weird stuff.

Random 1

Random thought of the night before bed: It seems like all of my friends are breaking up/have broken up, but quite a few acquaintances are in relationships. Psh.

I bring this up, because it parallels dinner with Emma and man talk.

Busy As A Bee

Yup That's Me.
My February is even more booked now. So good luck seeing me this month unless you already have plans.

Today was superb. I went to one class, ran/sped to the CCCC for a hockey game with Kate, walked my dog, went to another class. The hockey game was great. Imagine the Civic Center...full of children...cheering. Deafening but adorable nonetheless.

I'm most happy about my ear piercing though. I've been thinking it over for a couple of years and today I finally got my third hole on the left ear and second on the right. Next step: belly button. Third step: Tattoo. Phasing them in slowly.

Also, I hate to admit this, but I met quite a few cool people in class today. One knew the Sabres. One likes Atreyu. One...I feel like I've met before and he does too, but neither of us can remember where. Funny thing is he lived in Hempstead for awhile, which is where I went to school last year. I didn't meet him there. One loves Criminal Minds and one was just easy to talk to about anything even Luke. I always careful about what I say on that subject.

Today my deep thoughts were about a year ago. A year ago I was in a relationship. A year ago I went home for Valentines day/hockey games, because I wanted to see Hermit (nickname) more than the guy I was dating.
Tonight people commented on my boots. I get that a lot. I also get, "where did you get them?" My ex bought them for me...he bought me a lot of crap actually. Luckily I don't associate them with him, because then I'd have to give away half of my wardrobe.
This Valentine's Day weekend I have 2 hockey games also, but they're not on the actual day. This year I get to see Hermit at those games, but it's different now. I'm thinking Valentine's day will be good this year...hopefully. Katya is coming back that weekend, so that helps.

Second to last topic: Dear John.
If you haven't read the book, it was good, but I hated the ending. Basically he meets a girl and they fall in love. But he's a soldier, so he has to leave. She finds another man and falls in love with him and they live happily. John comes back and finds out. He never gets over her and lives a very long life in misery. I'll probably cry.

I've been thinking more clearly lately. I've been more open and showing my emotions. Today I skipped to Hallie and hugged her in the middle of Luther Bonney. I was happy. Also for the first time (this round anyway) I miss Luke. Yay I can be more open now, because what you (whoever you are) think doesn't matter to me.

Now to fall asleep to Owl City as usual.

I watch the night turn light blue,
But it's not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.

Down Goes The Moon

No longer a full moon, but close enough to still have some affect. I'd like to think that anyway. Alas my psychology brains, says no. It's probably something to do with my hormones at this time of the month blah blah boring.

I'm still excited about sport psychology though. Athletes are a breed of their own...elite are even more so. That's my goal. Their mental processes and physical limit pushing is so facinating...and it has nothing to do with the fact that some of them are attractive. I try so hard to avoid the perception that I'm just in it for the attractive men. I could never be so shallow. I'm very careful to avoid puck bunny status. I'm not a slut, nor will I ever be. I hate it when people even joke about it. Mostly it's guys who are jealous anyway, but I don't like it. Sorry about that little rant.

So I saw a preview for that Valentines movie. Looks like that weekend is going to be pretty packed. Probably going to pick Katya up in Northampton on Friday. Return home for the game that night with her, Kate and my USM friends...and a little party afterward. The party is going to start during for me at least. Not driving, that's all I have to say. That's the night Fergy is coming to play against the Pirates. I can't wait to see him again. I wish he were my big brother. Then another game the next day.

2 movies I want to see are coming out that weekend. The Wolfman and the valentines day one. This is my attempt to not hold Valentines day in contept for another year. I'm an optimist right? So...at least my dad will give me chocolate?

Men are silly. My new song to describe this is "Alright With Me" by Kris Allen. It always cheers me up and I've been needing that more recently. It applies to...well you don't need to know.
Playlist for driving to school:
Alright With Me - Kris Allen
Radio Waves - Eli Young Band
Hey, Soul Sister -
If I had You - Adam Lambert
Your Love is My Drug - Kesha

I'm a little pawn still in your game
And you ignore my advances
I turn my head and I look away
But I can't control my eyes are on you

Oh, you're on the run and I'm chasing you
Feels like war with all your glances
I'm just a [girl] without a clue
And I can't control following you

But it's alright, alright with me
It's alright, alright with me
It's alright, alright with me
It's alright, alright with me

I know you better than you know
You can fight but it's not over
I say to stop but you start to go
I guess that means it's L-O-V-E

I say to look but you turn away
I say we put our best foot forward
Will you believe, come next to me
Oh, why can't you see, I'm begging you, please

Last, Hallie and I started going to the rock climbing gym. So fun! I forgot how much I like to climb. I did really well considering it's been 7 years. It's going to be a weekly thing and I'm excited for it.

Another thing I'm excited for? The all star game on the 21st in Manchester. Hallie, my puppy and I are going to that. Then there is a Manchester Monarchs game right after it and then an after party. I joked with my hockey player friend about giving me a hockey stick to bat away horny hockey players. I'll do it too, but maybe we'll be able to find a tall guy for Hallie. Yes I'm always match making...and I get to network.

Speaking of being spiteful...okay no I didn't say anything about it, but it was implied. I can't be. I can be, but I won't be. The problem with caring too much about someone is that when they hurt you and you want to return the favor, you cant...or I can't. I guess I'm too good of a person for that. *sigh*