And So The Plot Thickens

So much for changing my sleep pattern. Last night I was up until 5:30 at which point I talked on the phone with a friend for an hour an 15 minutes.

It was all fun though and helpful, hopefully on her side as well as mine. Hearing her chase seagulls around a field was pretty entertaining though.

It made me think though...I, now, feel guilty. Kind of.
Remember how I was talking about love triangles and good guys vs. bad boys in my last post?
Well it doesn't just apply to me. First of all, mine is a love square now apparently. Well more like a like square.

It's frustrating, because I guess I stopped thinking that it was possible for there to be a good guy that isn't pathetic. Well not only is there 1, there are 2. I kind of saw it, but kind of not, because I didn't know for sure until recently. So I feel bad, because I don't want to hurt him. My feelings aren't completely platonic, but I know I should keep it that way, because maybe soulmates do exist?

Speaking of soulmates...I know I said I didn't believe in them and I'm not saying I really do now, but I'm beginning to wonder. What I mean is, I might think that there are quite a few people who you could be perfectly happy with and love, but maybe there really is one person who it just fits perfectly with. The likelihood of finding them is 6,000,000,000 to 1 though.

This isn't to say that "fit perfectly" means never fighting and always agreeing. Evidence shows that some arguing is healthy for a relationship. If this is true, then I don't think anyone would be able to break them apart aside from themselves.

It's just a thought.

Here's another one. I'm beginning to realize how the way guys have treated me in the past is affecting the way I react to guys currently. I'm not the only one thinking this either. I'm trying to change that though. I can't assume that every guy is going to get what he wants and disappear, or just disappear. Yes, this goes back to being a baby and having my birth mother "disappear," but it's been reinforced by guys in my past. So when a nice guy comes around and isn't like that at all, I'm suspicious and distant. Not good thing. My new mantra: It's okay to show affection. I can't let the past dictate the future.

Like my mom says, that kind of thing leads to "a small life."

Love Triangles

Let me just say...They suck. Especially when all 3 people are really pathetic. One guy goes away and comes back saying I can't live without you, if you'll have me. Then forever feeling guilty for leaving in the first place and always needing to be the protector. Meanwhile the other guy is young and naive and clingy. And the girl...well she's just pathetic all the way around. She can't decide, but needs both. Oh Em Gee what would she do without both guys on a chain? That's the twilight series for you.

Interestingly enough I was on Team Edward in the book and for the movie, Team Jacob. Robert Pattinson no. You're a bad Edward. I mean the character is pretty pathetic as it is. He can't live without Bella, but he thinks he knows best. If I met a guy like that, I would smack him upside the head. I don't have time to deal with a guy who thinks he knows best and will suffer endlessly for me. Pathetic. Get a life.
Meanwhile Jacob is also pathetic. He's like a little kid tugging on Bella's sleeve whining "pick me! pick me! I love you!" He's pathetic enough to let her put him in that friends spot. A real friend wouldn't make him suffer like that. Meanwhile he doesn't have the balls to stand up to her. I like him better in the movie because he's not quite as pathetic as the book portrays him and...well he's fucking hot as hell. That's a compliment because I don't normally like brown guys.

It's funny, my most recent ex used to say "I feel like I'm Jacob with you." Obviously that didn't improve my opinion of him seeing as I thought Jacob was pathetic. He was that overly nice, clingy guy type who I wanted to slap most of the time just to see if he'd have the balls to do anything but take it. He wasn't my best decision.

But back to love triangles. They tend to...No, wrong. I tend to be in the middle of them. It's my fault, I'll take most of the blame. They say Libras aren't meant to be in a steady relationship ever. We're just in it for the chase and the adoration, which we get bored with after awhile, and then move on. Obviously it's horoscope stuff so it's not true. But sometimes situations make me doubt just a tiny bit. I do like the chase. I do like the many adoring men, but that's not what I want. I'd like to commit and have it work out without me getting bored or freaking out because I can't flirt with other guys anymore. I have to make a choice. I guess it's not much of a choice, because I know one will never work out especially now. I'm just afraid to say it out loud, because then I will truly never have the chance to see if it could.

Speaking of which, one of the previews for a romantic comedy looked pretty good. Meanwhile Dear John or whatever that movie is called looked painful, but possibly good. I'd probably cry like a baby because those romantic separation movies have that effect on me. God knows I could never be a soldiers wife or girlfriend. Kudos to those women who go through that.

Last but not least, Kellan Lutz as hot as ever and Michael Sheen as amazing as ever!