They're Everywhere!

Couples are everywhere. It's seriously weird. Each of my friends is becoming half of a couple one by one. It's great, because they're happy and I love hearing their stories/being the one they come to for advice...

Hmm...is that odd? I get to hear funny/sweet stories and offer advice to both guys and girls, and yet I'm single? I guess it's my excellent understanding of people and ability to listen. Plus, let's be honest, I'm not quite single. I need to invent a word for whatever it is I am.

Then of course there are the really single friends. There are 4 groups that I can think of: The formerly hurt/jaded lover, the jaded single person who just can't seem to find the right kind of person, the person who loves dating/flirting/having sex with lots of different people, and the introvert who doesn't make enough effort. See I'm single, but I don't fit any of those. I fit the I-like-this-guy-but-things-are-fine-as-they-are-for-now group.


The two groups I don't have much patience for are the first and the last.

The way I see it, every one gets hurt when they put themselves out there sometimes, but eventually you can move on and do it again until it works out. We weren't given emotions to hide them from others and we're resilient, so use it. Don't give me bullshit about crying in a corner for the rest of your life. I was abandoned at birth and now I'm better than ever. If my own flesh and blood gave me up at birth and I still have the capacity to love, then you have it too. (this isn't to say it's easy. just possible)

Then introverts. One can only do so much to bring them out of their shell. You are who you are, who you make yourself, who you want to be. You want hide in a corner with the jaded lover because you're afraid to talk to the opposite sex or are self conscious, go ahead. I won't be there with you though. I'll talk with you about why it is you hide and how you think you could get out of that rut, but I don't want that small world.

So get out there and make a fool of yourself, because that's the only way to really learn and live.

And So The Plot Thickens

So much for changing my sleep pattern. Last night I was up until 5:30 at which point I talked on the phone with a friend for an hour an 15 minutes.

It was all fun though and helpful, hopefully on her side as well as mine. Hearing her chase seagulls around a field was pretty entertaining though.

It made me think though...I, now, feel guilty. Kind of.
Remember how I was talking about love triangles and good guys vs. bad boys in my last post?
Well it doesn't just apply to me. First of all, mine is a love square now apparently. Well more like a like square.

It's frustrating, because I guess I stopped thinking that it was possible for there to be a good guy that isn't pathetic. Well not only is there 1, there are 2. I kind of saw it, but kind of not, because I didn't know for sure until recently. So I feel bad, because I don't want to hurt him. My feelings aren't completely platonic, but I know I should keep it that way, because maybe soulmates do exist?

Speaking of soulmates...I know I said I didn't believe in them and I'm not saying I really do now, but I'm beginning to wonder. What I mean is, I might think that there are quite a few people who you could be perfectly happy with and love, but maybe there really is one person who it just fits perfectly with. The likelihood of finding them is 6,000,000,000 to 1 though.

This isn't to say that "fit perfectly" means never fighting and always agreeing. Evidence shows that some arguing is healthy for a relationship. If this is true, then I don't think anyone would be able to break them apart aside from themselves.

It's just a thought.

Here's another one. I'm beginning to realize how the way guys have treated me in the past is affecting the way I react to guys currently. I'm not the only one thinking this either. I'm trying to change that though. I can't assume that every guy is going to get what he wants and disappear, or just disappear. Yes, this goes back to being a baby and having my birth mother "disappear," but it's been reinforced by guys in my past. So when a nice guy comes around and isn't like that at all, I'm suspicious and distant. Not good thing. My new mantra: It's okay to show affection. I can't let the past dictate the future.

Like my mom says, that kind of thing leads to "a small life."