New York, I Love You

I watched the movie New York, I Love You tonight. I liked it a lot better than Paris, Je T'aime. I found it funny that Paris had Elijah Wood and New York had Orlando Bloom. It's LOTR all over the place.

My favorite couple was the young man and woman walking down a street. The woman was complaining that he never took her anywhere outside the city. Then she told him to suggest a place. He didn't say anything and she said exasperatedly, "See?!" and walked on. A second later he surprised her with tickets to Rome leaving immediately.

To me that's one of the most romantic acts that there are. You hear your partner complaining about something and you surprise them with what they least expect. I always hope that Luke will do something like that. He never does though. I'm not foolish. I know he can't read my mind and we aren't a couple. Still I continue to hope.

I also liked the elderly couple on their anniversary. Happy, elderly couples give me hope that maybe I can find a great love as a youth that will last just as long. They also make me sad because they remind me that everyone ages and passes away. Eventually you lose your love, at least in this physical world. Still, to have such a love seems profound to me.

Then there was the black father who took care of his daughter. The mother (white) was away constantly and the daughter missed her, but her father...well that's how the best parents love: lots of love, care, time and a little indulgence. I'm glad I have those kind of parents.

There was also a woman who converted to Judaism to marry her husband (orthodox). Her Jewish name was Rivka. That's also my name. I have the utmost respect for those who can convert to a different/conservative sect of religion because they love their partner and agree with the beliefs/customs. I'm somewhere in between reform and conservative Judaism. I would never change that for anyone, but I would respect my partners religion.
If you didn't know, I've been learning more about Catholicism to understand my background as well as Luke's. That's just me.

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Today I went to dinner with Emma and we talked about astrology. Well Libra is all about ideals, sex and love. Perhaps that's why I enjoy talking about sex and maybe that's why I can go on forever about love and my ideals (for myself, for others, for the world).

I also talked about my tendency toward manipulation. Women get a bad wrap as manipulators. The majority of us don't use it. Those who do often feel like it's a defensive move against men who are usually in control of the situation. Then there's the rest of us. We were born oozing charisma and charm. With one flash of a smile, we can make most of the male population melt. People like myself have a knack for language and are the most observant. Just for fun I often rephrase everything I think or say in 5-6 ways (sometimes even in french). Can you phrase something in a way that appeals to others? Once you figure a person out, getting what you want isn't difficult.

But people like me, we control it. We don't use it to get everything we want. When I love a man, I won't manipulate him or try to wrap him around my finger.
It's scary because manipulating people is so easy, if I don't pay attention, it just happens. I have to try hard not to and I'm good at not doing it. I've been 10 times more careful with Luke than any other guy ever. He's also stronger mentally than any other guy I've ever dated.

When you care about someone and you need/want something, you ask for it straight out. You might not get it, but at least you're communicating. I've never been good at asking for anything, but I'm a lot more comfortable asking Luke than any other guy.

Last 2 things about Luke for now.
1. I have this feeling that something is going to happen like he might be leaving after the summer is over for g-d knows where and he doesn't want to deal with telling me yet. It's just a feeling I have. My reaction is calm and neutral thus far.

2. For those of you who have asked how things are going with Luke and Audrey - I know I've been pretty vague or crabby when you bring it up. It's been painful and every mention has been another reminder...not so pleasant and very emotionally draining just to think about. Things are better with Luke for now, but I think from now on it would be best if no one mention Luke unless I do first.

Good night all. Happy Full Moon/May you all get laid tonight (because I can't...)