I love netflix. You can find all sorts of interesting movies and tv shows on it.Tonight I found the movie, My Girlfriend's Boyfriend. Is it a chick flick? Yes, but it's not the generic kind. It has a couple of twists. I was certainly surprised and a little confused toward the end, which never happens to me, because I'm a chick flick expert.
Ethan meets Jesse (Alyssa Milano) in a cafe, which is pretty stereotypical, and by the end of their conversation he awkwardly asks for her number. He's the tall, awkward, seemingly nice guy. She's the innocent, peppy, free spirited woman. Their relationship moves pretty fast. He takes her to visit his brother's family. His brother of course has 3 children: a toddler and 2 young kids. They love their uncle and she gets to see him playing with them. She has the "he's good with kids and I really like this man" moment. Then later in the movie he asks her to marry him and she freaks out. She won't tell him why. She disappears.
Meanwhile he's been writing a manuscript with her as his inspiration. He's been a writer for years, but never published, because he's always written the male character after himself, a nice guy. He almost gives up, but she tells him she believes in him. He continues and during their estrangement, he submits his manuscript and has it approved.
That's really only half the story, because I don't want to give away the rest, but it gives enough background for me to continue on the topics of new relationships and "nice" guys.
There's a saying, "nice guys finish last." I'm not so sure that's true. I've had more than my fair share of "bad boys." To them I say, Never Again. I had a boyfriend once who thought that was true. He pouted over the fact that he was a nice guy. He victimized himself. That's probably one of the most unattractive things a man could do.
Actually that's one of the most unattractive things anyone could do.
Anyway, the "bad boy" that sticks out in my mind treated me like I was the least important thing in his life. I wasn't even in it most of the time. Then I would finally decide I'd had enough crying and pain. Then he would reappear and I'd suddenly be back in his arms again. It happened over and over for a year and a half. It was hell.
Then I met a good man who treated me well and who I liked very much, but I couldn't see through my bad boy's manipulations enough to give this good man a fighting chance. 9 months later I met another man. He was an artist with a punk rock side. Bad boy? Kind of, but in touch with his emotions. He treated me pretty well until the night he called and suddenly said, "yeah I don't see this going anywhere, so...yeah."
Talk about a harsh reality check.
Was that a douche move on his part? Yes.
Was it completely his fault that it didn't work out? No.
If I could go back and fix what went wrong would I? No.
Until I met him, I had been constantly miserable. With him, I was happier. He showed me what it was like to be with someone who could appreciate me and who wanted to be with me. This freaked me out. I pulled away. Whatever connection was felt in the beginning was lost.
What's the point? Bad boys and even kind of bad boys with sensitive sides don't last. They're a temporary high. They're addictive. They will never be able to give you what you want until they fully mature. I waited a year and a half. It was torture. It could take 10 years for them to grow up, or it may never happen. Don't waste your time on something that may or may not happen in the distant future.
The nice guys finish first. Nice doesn't mean pathetic. A nice man can be mature/responsible (or immature as the moment may call for), funny, sweet, caring, sexy, smart, family oriented, good in bed and the farthest thing from pathetic you will ever meet.
As for myself, I can only hope I've learned my lessons. There's always more to learn, but as long as I don't repeat my mistakes I should be heading in the right direction. Sometimes when I think about how good I have it now, I get scared and want to bolt before he can leave me. After being treated like shit for so long, you become acclimated to it. Then being treated like the most amazing woman in the world seems foreign and intimidating. It's one thing to think you're amazing. It's another for other people to tell you that you are.
This time is different though. He's different. I'm different. I've never been this comfortable with a man or even person this quickly. I have no intentions of running anywhere except straight toward him and toward everything else I want in life.
Now go watch My Girlfriend's Boyfriend!
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