And So The Plot Thickens

So much for changing my sleep pattern. Last night I was up until 5:30 at which point I talked on the phone with a friend for an hour an 15 minutes.

It was all fun though and helpful, hopefully on her side as well as mine. Hearing her chase seagulls around a field was pretty entertaining though.

It made me think though...I, now, feel guilty. Kind of.
Remember how I was talking about love triangles and good guys vs. bad boys in my last post?
Well it doesn't just apply to me. First of all, mine is a love square now apparently. Well more like a like square.

It's frustrating, because I guess I stopped thinking that it was possible for there to be a good guy that isn't pathetic. Well not only is there 1, there are 2. I kind of saw it, but kind of not, because I didn't know for sure until recently. So I feel bad, because I don't want to hurt him. My feelings aren't completely platonic, but I know I should keep it that way, because maybe soulmates do exist?

Speaking of soulmates...I know I said I didn't believe in them and I'm not saying I really do now, but I'm beginning to wonder. What I mean is, I might think that there are quite a few people who you could be perfectly happy with and love, but maybe there really is one person who it just fits perfectly with. The likelihood of finding them is 6,000,000,000 to 1 though.

This isn't to say that "fit perfectly" means never fighting and always agreeing. Evidence shows that some arguing is healthy for a relationship. If this is true, then I don't think anyone would be able to break them apart aside from themselves.

It's just a thought.

Here's another one. I'm beginning to realize how the way guys have treated me in the past is affecting the way I react to guys currently. I'm not the only one thinking this either. I'm trying to change that though. I can't assume that every guy is going to get what he wants and disappear, or just disappear. Yes, this goes back to being a baby and having my birth mother "disappear," but it's been reinforced by guys in my past. So when a nice guy comes around and isn't like that at all, I'm suspicious and distant. Not good thing. My new mantra: It's okay to show affection. I can't let the past dictate the future.

Like my mom says, that kind of thing leads to "a small life."