The Ugly Truth

It's just so good - Not intellectually, but entertaining and feel good. There's nothing wrong with that. Very few guys actually appreciate chick flicks, and when I meet one who does I'm surprised.

I own way too many for my own good, but they make me laugh and I never get tired of them. They're good girl bonding material too. Not because they make us think that's how love is or that's how relationships work out. It's Hollywood. Give us a little credit. We know it's not real. I've been through enough to know things never work out perfectly.

I enjoy immersing myself in a fantasy world every once in awhile though. It's okay to escape from reality sometimes. It's predictable and always has a happy ending. Life isn't/doesn't.

Unfortunately, there are those women who believe in the Hollywood romance. They believe that bad boys can be tamed and changed. No! You can't change anyone except yourself! Every girl dreams of a bad boy with a secret sensitive side. That just doesn't happen. Bad boys are the result of bad pasts and ignored issues. They won't change unless they decide to and more than often that doesn't happen. You can't wait around and hope that it does. That's not optimism. That's delusion. This isn't to say that there aren't men who will deal with their issues, but at this age especially, it's a rare thing.

I'll be honest, I have bought into the bad boy seduction on more than one occasion and it never led anywhere good...or even anywhere at all. My dad calls them "puppy dogs" that I "adopt." I think the best example is Harlan. Tall, dark, handsome...and addicted to drugs. It took him breaking up with me twice to realize that it would never work. He was too depressed and I didn't want to be in that place anymore. Plus after a guy screws you over twice, you tend to resent him. At some point he started to disgust me and that was the end of that. Not to say he's a bad person. He's a nice guy, but I didn't need to be involved in that shit. That's why I stopped dating until I got to college. 3 years seems long, but I was happy with my friends and hockey player crushes (again tall, dark, handsome).

I guess I didn't really have the epiphany until recently and I'm a lot happier now because of it. Everyone has issues and there is always someone in the world going through something similar to you or me. My biggest issue is fear of abandonment. I'm dealing with it. If I weren't I wouldn't have made all the wonderful friends I have this semester.

Recently my group of ladies and I just looked around at each other and said "wow. we have an exceptionally great group." I trust them more than I trust some people I've known for 5 years because they have shown me that they're interested in my life and they are there for me. The feeling is mutual. Last year I wondered if I would ever find those friends in college who would be lifetime buddies. This year I have. It all started when I was like "fuck it. this girl is transferring to USM too so I'm going to send her a message." Now Hallie and I share man issues, go to hockey games, movies and have lunch frequently. It's great. Ali, Jared, Kayla, Rick, Aaron and Ken followed that first risk....All great people.

Also I'm done putting up with bullshit. I can imagine almost all of you are thinking "finally!" I have my own agenda and schedule that I won't rearrange for anyone unless they are willing to do the same for me. I would drive to Katya's at any time day or night if she needed me and I know she would do the same for me. Same with Hallie, Kayla and Ali.

As for the men...well I guess I lost the head strong part of myself a bit this past summer, but I'm back! I want someone who appreciates me and isn't afraid to say so, who makes time for me, who's happy, who asks me on dates, who makes me laugh easily and who I can make laugh, who I feel comfortable with no matter what I'm saying or wearing...

I guess what I'm saying is there is no such thing as the perfect man. Perfect is subjective. But there are great guys who can make you happy. You just have to look. Don't let your bad history determine your future or think that you will always have bad luck. You can change that by staying optimistic and looking for that person who adds to your happiness. Not to say there is only one...I don't believe in soulmates. I certainly don't believe a man can make you happy either. You make yourself happy and find someone who adds to that.

This is dedicated to those friend who don't have the experience or optimism that I have. I hope you all find it though and I'll be here, as always, with my advice.