Change

Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's not.

Over the past year and a half I've witnessed a young man hit rock bottom. After graduation, he took a year off and that's when I met him. He was a nice guy with a sense of humor. The only guy I knew at the time who didn't drink. Then he decided to join the army. I never said anything about it. It wasn't my place. He would frequently text me from boot camp even though it wasn't allowed. I can't bring myself to repeat some of the things he told me, but I can understand why they fucked him up. It changed him little by little. He grew colder and more distant. Then out of the blue, he wanted more from me. Of course I said no. Now a year and a half later, he's back in Maine and wants to party...That's a no.

I guess the reason I'm telling this story is because this isn't what I want. I told Katya this story this weekend, which I probably haven't ever told anyone.

This brings up another topic for me. I have just paused after the last short paragraph for about half an hour. Yes, I'm watching tv, but it's not that. I tend to stop talking and stop typing when I have a million thoughts running through my head or I have something I want to say, but I'm not sure how or if I should say it.

I guess to put it bluntly. I have high expectations, but I know they're possible. I've been shown that they are. I've been told before, but I guess you have to see it to believe it sometimes.

On a separate note, 2012 was amazing. I just saw a preview for it on tv, which reminded me. Just that made me tear up. Katya and I were both crying throughout the movie. My stomach hurt afterward because I had been tense the whole 2 hours. The random guys next to us were freaking out and crying too. I was shaking and sobbing quietly at one point. Katya and I kept clutching each other because it was so intense. The acting isn't the best ever, but John Cusack is great. I guess I had such a strong reaction to it not because I put myself into that scenario and realized
A. Everyone I know and love and I would die because we're not rich enough to afford to live.
B. How cruel humans can be
C. How selfless humans can be
D. Everything I haven't achieved yet, but want
I guess in those extreme situations you get to see who people really are. For the record, I don't believe the world will end in 2012, but it's an interesting situation.

Last but not least, I had a dream about owning dogs again...then I woke up, realized I don't own a dog and was sad.