Parachute

I've been listening to Parachute by Cheryl Cole lately. It's kind of how I feel? Not the part about not needing a parachute though. Because clearly if I fell, I'd land on my face and Luke would be like, "what??" Then I'd glare and call him an ass. Then I'd forgive him. Ain't that the way it always goes?

Things have been changing though. I think I'm getting to a point where I need and deserve more (Yeah I know I always deserve more as my mother and best friends would say), and he needs to step the fuck up. I can actually be mad at him now when he doesn't treat me as well as he should.

So here's what's going through my head (keep in mind it's a rant not reality):

When I told him I was determined he said it was a first. That made me so angry. I'm still pretty pissed about that. It's like he doesn't appreciate the fact that I'm still here. If I hadn't been so determined all this time I would have given up on him a long time ago. So he has no fucking right to say that's the first time. I cry constantly and it hurts like a motherfucker. I defend him constantly to EVERYONE. I even fucking yell at my parents when they something against him. My own family. So I deserve a hell of a lot more. You know what he'd probably say, "so why bother?" Then I just want to scream. Sometimes I do...Why the fuck can't you just accept how absolutely amazing you are you fucking jerk. I put up with this shit, because I've seen your better side and when you show it, nothing can bring me down and nothing makes me happier. I literally couldn't explain the feeling properly.

Okay I feel better. Off to see some Olympians!