Secret Sex

"You mean maybe this is for real?" - Carrie
"Could be." - Mr. Big

Tonight I watched episode 8 entitled secret sex. I think the title makes it pretty obvious. It's about the difference between men who feel the need to keep certain women private from their lives because they're not pretty enough, don't have a chance at a relationship, or are just good for sex (in the eyes of the man).

Carrie has her first date with Mr. Big...only they don't have the date. They have sex. Then he takes to her a chinese restaurant that, after the second time there, she realizes many men take women to in order to keep them hidden. Finally they have a real date and they run into an acquaintance of his. They talk for a minute politely, but Mr. Big never introduces her. At that point she starts wondering if he's ashamed of her or is a "sex only" woman.

After a hard day, she finds herself drunk and decides to confront him. Most of us know that's almost never a good idea. He opens the door, she walks in and pours herself a drink from his bar. Then she tells him that she is not that kind of woman. It turns out that he took her to that restaurant because he thought it was the best Chinese in the city, and as for the acquaintance, he couldn't remember his name.

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First of all, I would not recommend trying to carry on a serious conversation while drunk especially when it involves men and relationships. Do I drunk text? Yep occasionally (shhh!), but I know what I'm saying. I've never been that...wait...That's not the point. Being drunk and really open isn't a good idea because maybe you'll let something slip that shouldn't or maybe it should, but how does the other person know to take it seriously if you're drunk? They don't. That's why you don't say I love you or confess love while drunk. Just bad...and not very brave.

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Having sex on the first date is very questionable. It depends on what kind of image you want to give the other person I suppose. It's so easy for women to be labeled a slut and I don't want that title ever. I'm not one, but if a woman did what men do (going back to "having sex like a man") then she's automatically labeled a slut. When men do it, each woman is considered an accomplishment. It's okay to objectify women, but if a woman objectifies a man, look out, she needs to be put in her place.

I'm not the kind of person who can sleep around anyway. If I'm not really serious about one man, I can date several until one works out or I find someone else. That's kind of how it's supposed to work, but I would never have sex with them.

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As for being the "invisible" woman, I think that's something I have worried about on occasion. If I'm serious about a man and he doesn't introduce me to his friends or go to public places with me, it can be worrying. You start to wonder if he's just waiting for the next best thing or if he's ashamed etc. Who knows. Yes it's nice to have alone time, but there is such thing as too much.

Of course my own thing is that I'm what I like to call an extroverted introvert. Yes that is possible. If you've ever taken the Myer's Briggs or another test like that, you'll understand. According to my test I'm slightly introverted, but I'm near the middle. I have characteristics of both:

Extroversion (examples):

• I am seen as “outgoing” or as a “people person.”
• I feel comfortable in groups and like working in them.
• I have a wide range of friends and know lots of people.
• I sometimes jump too quickly into an activity and don’t allow enough time to think it over.
• Before I start a project, I sometimes forget to stop and get clear on what I want to do and why
• Energy from other people
  

Introversion (examples):

• I am seen as “reflective” or “reserved.”
• I feel comfortable being alone and like things I can do on my own.
• I prefer to know just a few people well.
• I sometimes spend a lot of time reflecting and don’t move into action very quickly.
• I sometimes forget to check with the outside world to see if my ideas really fit the experience.
• Energy from self
  

From the extroversion side I get energy from being around other people, I have a wide range of friends, I generally like to work with other people. From the introversion I do prefer to have a few close friend than many acquaintances, I think before I speak, If I don't know very many people at a party I tend to e shy.

What does this have to do with being invisible or not? There have certainly been instances where a man I really like has invited me to a party with his friends or some such social event. I didn't go though. I would have only known him and I didn't trust him not to disappear. I suppose I'm quite shy, but I pretend not to be when I have to. Have I made myself invisible by never accepting those invitation? C'est possible.

It's never completely the responsibility of one person though.