Have you ever cried so hard that you just can't keep the wail in? It's a sound so sorrowful that you think only the wives of fallen soldiers could expel in that one moment they first realize and the gasps force themselves from your throat, because your body wants to keep you alive even if you don't care. You don't care because your soul is a palpable organ being stretched so wide, you think it will tear. Then someone takes a dull blade and carves chaotic designs on the surface as slow as humanly possible. Tears fall down your face like large paint drips. Your eyes close and those paint drips turn to sheets of water. The internal river you've been carrying around, dammed up, finally breaks out. If you tried to stop it, you would drown in it. It's all you can do to keep your head above the salty flood. You shut out the light of that one lamp lighting the night, because where you are you can't see the warm yellow glow. Shaking comes next. Your frame convulses and contorts your body. You hunch as though you've been carrying heavy brick filled sacks your whole life. You're a slave. Sometimes you can't even stand up. Shadows on your knees reflect such a heavy burden. Somewhere along the way you forgot to breathe and gasp as though it's the last breath of you life. The life forces your eyes open. You weren't even aware of your fists until release and see bright red crescent moons on the soft flesh of your palms.
When you've felt like this, then tell me it's easy. When you experience this frequently, tell me it takes no determination to bear it. Tell me.
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