Ex and The City

So I just watched the last episode of the second season of Sex and the City. It dealt with ex's, especially those who you were previously in love with.

I don't really want to get into the subject right now, but it never ceases to amaze me how true some of this stuff is.
Then I was like Oh shit! That's it! That's fucking it!
The last lines were, "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with" (Carrie Bradshaw)

Then I was like Oh shit! That's it! That's fucking it! That was me! Since the beginning I could never find a guy who I was satisfied with. Lots of good guys, but none who were interesting enough or could stand up to me or whatever. Sometimes I was attracted, but it never lasted and almost all of them let me take control. I don't want to be in control. Fuck that. I have to plan the next 8 fucking years of my life. I don't want to plan anything that I don't have to outside of school and career stuff.

So then there was Luke. He was like this whole new breed of people. Every day, even if things aren't going so well between us, I think 'This man is fucking amazing." Every day. I have never ever thought that about another guy. Never. I think it's clear to everyone that I think the world of Luke. I think maybe he has a hard time accepting that, but that's besides the point.

In 14 days it will have officially been a year since I decided to start some sort of relationship with him. I thought it would be friendship or maybe just a fling, but that's one of the best fucking decisions I've made...ever? I thought 'I'm going to try this and see where it goes. We never really had closure, so I want to see if it could go somewhere more significant. Unless he's a douche, in which case I will use him shamelessly.' Luckily the last part never applied.

Then I did what I said I wouldn't do. I fell for him...again...well maybe I never unfell for him after junior year. Anyway, he's like this spontaneous, chaotic mess and I kind of love it. That's what life is anyway! It's messy. It's chaotic. Random things happen all the time. It's people who try to organize it. They try to tame it. Some things like life can't be controlled. Shit happens. It's how we deal with it and who we meet along the way to help us deal with it that matters.

So he's the one. The wild one. I was the wild one. I still am, but there's something that feels like it's normal and okay with him that I never felt with anyone else. I don't want to tame him. I just don't want to give another woman the chance to feel as lucky as I do and there's nothing wrong with that. I know a lot of you are like 'oh well I don't know Rosalba. Not sure if this is a good idea. Is this smart?' Well guess what? I'm very fucking smart and I don't care if you don't know, because you aren't me. This isn't your situation. Being with this man makes me happy in a way that I never get tired of. That's enough for me, for now. Yes I want to deal with the whole 'so what about other women?' thing, but other than that I'm generally happy.

He's going to Canada this weekend to see his boys, and I'm getting a whole week without my parents and spending this whole weekend with some of my best friends doing wonderful things (that aren't illegal of course!). I love having this kind of separation. I like having space and not freaking out because the man wants to be with me too much. I mean yeah I wanted him to be part of this weekend, but the summer has just begun and I plan to enjoy every day. I'm going to enjoy each day with each of my friends, the time I spend away from him, and of course the time I spend with him, and I'm going to think every day 'I really like you. You're pretty fucking amazing.'

L'Chaim!