Why hello there! I didn't get to greet you properly at midnight. Oh yes it was a crazy night. The total vomit count came to 5. 5 girls. None of them me. I was the one running back and forth making sure they got to the bathroom, holding their hair back, cleaning their faces off, cleaning the toilets, giving them water, etc. Yes it was lovely. That's okay though. Anything for a friend right? Well maybe.
So my goal for the night was basically not to realize that I'm single at midnight. I'm sure you can put two and two together...That was my goal before the evening started anyway. It changed pretty quickly.
You know how plans usually never go the way you want them to? Well that happened to me. I just wanted to talk, but I got really nervous and stuff...and that didn't happen. Then I still wanted to, but realized it probably wasn't a good idea then. I told Beans to talk to Luke and that went pretty well I think. Then Beans mentioned Kate.
I don't remember what he said, but the name set something off in me. I started to cry. Neither of them noticed at first. I went into another room when I realized I wouldn't be able to control it. I ended up sobbing in the bathroom. I guess I didn't realize how much the Kate thing really affected me. I feel a lot better and I cried in front of people (I guess that's a good thing in an odd sort of way).
This was not the end of the crying, but I think the next part was funny. It makes me laugh at least. About 5 minutes after Luke left (i think) Edith and Jared found me in the corner by the door crying. Then I started laughing. That almost always confuses people. Then I feel embarrassed and I do it more. Anyway, apparently I said "my boy left, but I think he kissed me so it's okay." Am I the only one who thinks that's hilarious? Maybe you had to be there. I think it's funny though.
So then the rest of my evening was spent taking care of other people. I'm tired today, but alright other than that. I feel light and rather happy. Not at all weighed down by the past.
This weekend I plan to relax, aside from taking care of my dog. There is going to be a Lord of the Rings marathon all weekend, so that sounds pretty nice. Feel free to join in.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
11:11
Be careful what you wish for on 11:11, because it might come true. Maybe not immediately, but 8 or 9 months down the line.
Today I woke up to a surprise. I checked facebook and saw that I had a message. It was from Nathan Gerbe. If you don't know, he's one of the best players on the Pirates hockey team and destined to make it to the NHL. He's only 5'6, which is part of what amazes me about him. Not his height, but how courageous and tough he is among all the 6' something guys.
Like I said, it took me completely by surprise. There is part of me that isn't too surprised though. Anyway I always saw him more as a person than a rising professional athete. Hockey is a job after all. It's their passion, but it's a job. It's not exactly who they are. That's why I like to treat atheletes like everyone else. That and the fact that I might be working with them some day if I decide to get my Ph.D.
Today I woke up to a surprise. I checked facebook and saw that I had a message. It was from Nathan Gerbe. If you don't know, he's one of the best players on the Pirates hockey team and destined to make it to the NHL. He's only 5'6, which is part of what amazes me about him. Not his height, but how courageous and tough he is among all the 6' something guys.
Like I said, it took me completely by surprise. There is part of me that isn't too surprised though. Anyway I always saw him more as a person than a rising professional athete. Hockey is a job after all. It's their passion, but it's a job. It's not exactly who they are. That's why I like to treat atheletes like everyone else. That and the fact that I might be working with them some day if I decide to get my Ph.D.
Full Moon
I swear it's the moon affecting me. I should be exhausted after driving 5 hours today and lifting heavy boxes and going for a long walk with my dog. I'm extremely wired though. I suppose listening to music I want to dance to doesn't help, especially the song about sex :D
Annnnyway. I know I said I'm done with the past...and I am. But I thought just for fun I'd look back at my AIM conversations from awhile ago (they automatically save). I've come to a few conclusions. First, I'm incredibly random and funny. Second, I feel like an idiot for not seeing something so obvious from the start. I guess my own insecurities got in the way and I owe some people apologies. I could have saved myself a lot of ups and downs this past summer and two summers ago (although a lot of that wasn't my fault). It's a good thing they're gone now. I was making progress before I realized that, but now everything is so clear. Well not everything, but certain things. Ambiguous? Sorry. I feel like I should confront the situations and make amends before I say anymore.
Maybe now I can sleep?
Annnnyway. I know I said I'm done with the past...and I am. But I thought just for fun I'd look back at my AIM conversations from awhile ago (they automatically save). I've come to a few conclusions. First, I'm incredibly random and funny. Second, I feel like an idiot for not seeing something so obvious from the start. I guess my own insecurities got in the way and I owe some people apologies. I could have saved myself a lot of ups and downs this past summer and two summers ago (although a lot of that wasn't my fault). It's a good thing they're gone now. I was making progress before I realized that, but now everything is so clear. Well not everything, but certain things. Ambiguous? Sorry. I feel like I should confront the situations and make amends before I say anymore.
Maybe now I can sleep?
If I Had You
So recently I realized I am completely and utterly in love...
with Adam Lambert.
He's so fucking adorable. Look at his face! I just want to hug him and pinch his cheeks. By love, I don't really mean love, I mean infatuated. I can't stop listening to his music. What is this weirdness Rosalba? I used to be one of those people who knew his name, but didn't care because he came from American Idol (which I don't watch). Then I heard Whataya Want From Me on the radio. I thought, wow this is actually pretty catchy. Then I heard For Your Entertainment and I loved it. My favorite song is If I Had You. His voice is beautiful. It's bubbly, powerful and lyrical. So I don't care if you're one of those people who don't like him for the same reason I didn't. I love his music and his adorable face. Don't bring that down.
Plus he can do that sexy/bad ass smile. Not many guys can pull that off. It's so alluring. I'm also a master of it. Never fails.
Good Night
He's so fucking adorable. Look at his face! I just want to hug him and pinch his cheeks. By love, I don't really mean love, I mean infatuated. I can't stop listening to his music. What is this weirdness Rosalba? I used to be one of those people who knew his name, but didn't care because he came from American Idol (which I don't watch). Then I heard Whataya Want From Me on the radio. I thought, wow this is actually pretty catchy. Then I heard For Your Entertainment and I loved it. My favorite song is If I Had You. His voice is beautiful. It's bubbly, powerful and lyrical. So I don't care if you're one of those people who don't like him for the same reason I didn't. I love his music and his adorable face. Don't bring that down.
Good Night
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
On And On
I spent today on a road trip to Keene, New Hampshire with Katya. It was incredibly fun. We sang practically all the way there and back. It was a nice break from my everyday routine, which revolves around Luca.
I took a long walk with him this evening. I figured it would be a good way to think about things, like how I want to start this coming year. I was so deep in thought that I wandered down strange streets before I realized I didn't know where I was. It was difficult to process everything that has happened in the past 7 months (Holy shit, 7 months). It's been 7 months since my life started looking up. Yes that's about when I returned home.
Anyway, tonight I let go of the past. There's only so much you can learn from it and brood about before you have to let it go. So that's what I did. The past is the past.
Tomorrow is new and exciting. An intimate dinner with my some of my best friends seems a good way to begin the evening. Who knows what tomorrow night will bring. I'm sure Vano and Katya will capture quite a bit of it though.
l'chaim!
I took a long walk with him this evening. I figured it would be a good way to think about things, like how I want to start this coming year. I was so deep in thought that I wandered down strange streets before I realized I didn't know where I was. It was difficult to process everything that has happened in the past 7 months (Holy shit, 7 months). It's been 7 months since my life started looking up. Yes that's about when I returned home.
Anyway, tonight I let go of the past. There's only so much you can learn from it and brood about before you have to let it go. So that's what I did. The past is the past.
Tomorrow is new and exciting. An intimate dinner with my some of my best friends seems a good way to begin the evening. Who knows what tomorrow night will bring. I'm sure Vano and Katya will capture quite a bit of it though.
l'chaim!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Family and New Year's Eve
Not together.
Apparently someone broke into my cousin's house. I love my Canadian cousins. They're pretty awesome. (unlike my southern cousins...er just one. Marcus seemed okay). After visiting this past summer, I'm hoping to keep in more regular contact with them like we used to when the family (the jewish side) would gather at Granny's house in CT for Thanksgiving and her birthday. I feel a little bad, because I don't have any fondness for my southern cousins and I know my dad and nana wish I did. Oh well.
But anyway, I have a busy week. I'm pretty excited about it all. Hallie comes home today. It's been weird without her. I'm used to seeing her at least once a week. Our grand adventures shall continue Wednesday though. We're running an errand for my dad to Keene, New Hampshire, but I thought it would be a fun mini road trip. We have to fit 20 boxes of Duct Tape Isn't Enough in my car some how. Later today Kat and Micah are going to help me take Luca to be bathed and I might see Emma. Looking forward to hearing about "Le boyfriend's" trip to Maine. Also buying my dress tomorrow.
New Year's plans are settled. Dinner and a fancy party at Vano's. Theme: The Fame. Love love love Lady Gaga. Then a late breakfast and the NHL Winter Classic. That's a ritual for us. Recuperating from a late night/watching the big outdoor hockey game. Bruins vs. Flyers. Flyers can go to hell.
I just felt the need to share my plans for the week, because I'm really excited. I also think you should know that my dog is funny when he sleeps. He snores and when he stretches, sometimes he keeps his paw high in the crate door. I had to put him in his crate at 10 tonight because he kept barking at the corner of the media room. There's nothing there except the couch, so I have no idea what he was barking at. He also wouldn't stay off the couch. It was weird. It always makes my day when I'm sitting on the floor and he comes over to me. He tries to lick me everywhere and somehow always ends up sitting in my lap or tonight, his front paws ended up draped over my shoulders.
Last but not least, I just learned that "The Rev" aka Jimmy Sullivan, the drummer from Avenged Sevenfold passed away. He was a crazy man and incredibly skilled.
Apparently someone broke into my cousin's house. I love my Canadian cousins. They're pretty awesome. (unlike my southern cousins...er just one. Marcus seemed okay). After visiting this past summer, I'm hoping to keep in more regular contact with them like we used to when the family (the jewish side) would gather at Granny's house in CT for Thanksgiving and her birthday. I feel a little bad, because I don't have any fondness for my southern cousins and I know my dad and nana wish I did. Oh well.
But anyway, I have a busy week. I'm pretty excited about it all. Hallie comes home today. It's been weird without her. I'm used to seeing her at least once a week. Our grand adventures shall continue Wednesday though. We're running an errand for my dad to Keene, New Hampshire, but I thought it would be a fun mini road trip. We have to fit 20 boxes of Duct Tape Isn't Enough in my car some how. Later today Kat and Micah are going to help me take Luca to be bathed and I might see Emma. Looking forward to hearing about "Le boyfriend's" trip to Maine. Also buying my dress tomorrow.
New Year's plans are settled. Dinner and a fancy party at Vano's. Theme: The Fame. Love love love Lady Gaga. Then a late breakfast and the NHL Winter Classic. That's a ritual for us. Recuperating from a late night/watching the big outdoor hockey game. Bruins vs. Flyers. Flyers can go to hell.
I just felt the need to share my plans for the week, because I'm really excited. I also think you should know that my dog is funny when he sleeps. He snores and when he stretches, sometimes he keeps his paw high in the crate door. I had to put him in his crate at 10 tonight because he kept barking at the corner of the media room. There's nothing there except the couch, so I have no idea what he was barking at. He also wouldn't stay off the couch. It was weird. It always makes my day when I'm sitting on the floor and he comes over to me. He tries to lick me everywhere and somehow always ends up sitting in my lap or tonight, his front paws ended up draped over my shoulders.
Last but not least, I just learned that "The Rev" aka Jimmy Sullivan, the drummer from Avenged Sevenfold passed away. He was a crazy man and incredibly skilled.
Monday, December 28, 2009
To You
who have worse problems than me. That would be the majority of the world.
I'm always ready to help a friend with a relationship/guy/girl problem. It happens quite frequently too.
Tonight has been a bit hectic. I've been dealing with my own life, my sister's boy problems, my friend's girlfriend issue, and trying to find a suitable guy for 2 of my single ladies. I don't mind any of it...except for the sister part. I'm not okay with a guy she has liked for 4 years (does that long lasting thing run in the family?) telling her friend she's a "mother fucking ho." First of all, it's not true. Second of all, douche. I'd beat him up if he were close by. Mostly I sympathize, because if that happened to me, I would want to crawl into a hole for a very long time. I told her to ignore him and eventually she would move on. I don't even know if that's true. Having feelings for someone for 4 or 5 years isn't a casual thing even if it's one sided. In my case, I got lucky - not a douche, another chance. So I don't know what it's like to move on from that. I'll let you know if that changes?
I'm always ready to help a friend with a relationship/guy/girl problem. It happens quite frequently too.
Tonight has been a bit hectic. I've been dealing with my own life, my sister's boy problems, my friend's girlfriend issue, and trying to find a suitable guy for 2 of my single ladies. I don't mind any of it...except for the sister part. I'm not okay with a guy she has liked for 4 years (does that long lasting thing run in the family?) telling her friend she's a "mother fucking ho." First of all, it's not true. Second of all, douche. I'd beat him up if he were close by. Mostly I sympathize, because if that happened to me, I would want to crawl into a hole for a very long time. I told her to ignore him and eventually she would move on. I don't even know if that's true. Having feelings for someone for 4 or 5 years isn't a casual thing even if it's one sided. In my case, I got lucky - not a douche, another chance. So I don't know what it's like to move on from that. I'll let you know if that changes?
Douche
I've been pretty fortunate with guys, but sometimes one comes along who is a complete douche. He tells you that you're great, you're special, he likes taking walks with you, and that you deserve better than your current boyfriend. He tells you he would be the one if you weren't with your boyfriend. Eventually you break up with your boyfriend (for other reason) and decide he's a great guy. Then you find out he's dating 2 other girls. Then you find out he chose one as his girlfriend. He never told you any of this though. Then he says "I like you more, but I can't just dump her." You realize he's lying. Awhile later they break up and you're back in the competition (supposedly). Then he chooses someone else, but he still flirts with you. You finally learn though.
3.5 years later it's late at night and he "randomly" contacts you. Doesn't that sound like a douche move to you?
____________
Today has been rough. I realized I've had very little contact with friends over my break. I love my dog, but I need people to stay sane. I'm rethinking having 3 kids, because mum said that's only a taste of what it's like to have a kid. Luckily that won't happen for awhile anyway. I've been so frustrated that I almost cried in Sebago tonight. Silly me. I'm not sure what made me feel better: food, friends or le boy. Actually I am sure, but anyway I feel a bit better now.
New Year's plans have been finalized
I'm seeing Luke tomorrow?
I'm seeing Kat on Tuesday
I'm going to see a movie with Carol sometimes this week.
The most interesting part about Sebago was all of the horrible racial jokes we shared. Mine was probably the worst, but I'm a Jew so I can tell Jew jokes. Also the part where Carol was jokingly complaining about not liking being single/not finding a good man. It was partly a joke and partly not. I said "I know!" They all (Maddie, Beans, Vano, Carol and Kat) turned to look at me. Carol said "please girl! you don't need to complain." She was joking. We all were...kind of. So I guess I don't get to complain about my situation. I guess us in betweeners aren't allowed. That's okay...kind of.
I feel like a hypocrite sometimes. I know I'm not because everyone's situation is different, but that doesn't changed the way I feel. I tell my friends not to put up with flaky guys because they deserve better, when I do. I tell them to be more patient with their parents because their parents love them, but sometimes just don't get things, when I snap at my parents frequently. I tell them there is more than one person in the world for them when I have no idea. I tell them it's okay to cry if you're upset when I won't let myself cry around anyone. I tell them to put more trust in people, but I'm slow to trust people myself.
I have my reasons. "5 years must mean something" "he's afraid of getting hurt again" "my parents know I love them and can take it" "they started it" "fate and soulmates can't exist because then what would be the point of getting out of bed and living?" "Everyone has to think I'm stronger than I am" "It's difficult for an adopted person to trust" "never knowing would be worse" "he changed/is changing" "i said it to avoid getting hurt" "I thought it would make me feel better"
Those are just a few.
_____________
The end of the year is approaching fast. I'm beginning to wonder if I was wrong about change. I guess we'll find out. I'm not the kind of person to stand back and wish though. I do wish, but I act too.
I've been thinking about a resolution that I can keep. Maybe being more honest and straight forward? I'll start New Year's Eve. Should make for an interesting year.
3.5 years later it's late at night and he "randomly" contacts you. Doesn't that sound like a douche move to you?
____________
Today has been rough. I realized I've had very little contact with friends over my break. I love my dog, but I need people to stay sane. I'm rethinking having 3 kids, because mum said that's only a taste of what it's like to have a kid. Luckily that won't happen for awhile anyway. I've been so frustrated that I almost cried in Sebago tonight. Silly me. I'm not sure what made me feel better: food, friends or le boy. Actually I am sure, but anyway I feel a bit better now.
New Year's plans have been finalized
I'm seeing Luke tomorrow?
I'm seeing Kat on Tuesday
I'm going to see a movie with Carol sometimes this week.
The most interesting part about Sebago was all of the horrible racial jokes we shared. Mine was probably the worst, but I'm a Jew so I can tell Jew jokes. Also the part where Carol was jokingly complaining about not liking being single/not finding a good man. It was partly a joke and partly not. I said "I know!" They all (Maddie, Beans, Vano, Carol and Kat) turned to look at me. Carol said "please girl! you don't need to complain." She was joking. We all were...kind of. So I guess I don't get to complain about my situation. I guess us in betweeners aren't allowed. That's okay...kind of.
I feel like a hypocrite sometimes. I know I'm not because everyone's situation is different, but that doesn't changed the way I feel. I tell my friends not to put up with flaky guys because they deserve better, when I do. I tell them to be more patient with their parents because their parents love them, but sometimes just don't get things, when I snap at my parents frequently. I tell them there is more than one person in the world for them when I have no idea. I tell them it's okay to cry if you're upset when I won't let myself cry around anyone. I tell them to put more trust in people, but I'm slow to trust people myself.
I have my reasons. "5 years must mean something" "he's afraid of getting hurt again" "my parents know I love them and can take it" "they started it" "fate and soulmates can't exist because then what would be the point of getting out of bed and living?" "Everyone has to think I'm stronger than I am" "It's difficult for an adopted person to trust" "never knowing would be worse" "he changed/is changing" "i said it to avoid getting hurt" "I thought it would make me feel better"
Those are just a few.
_____________
The end of the year is approaching fast. I'm beginning to wonder if I was wrong about change. I guess we'll find out. I'm not the kind of person to stand back and wish though. I do wish, but I act too.
I've been thinking about a resolution that I can keep. Maybe being more honest and straight forward? I'll start New Year's Eve. Should make for an interesting year.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
"They Are All The Same"
If I ever hear one of my friends saying that about guys or girls, I will smack you over the head. It's not true.
There are many girls who go around thinking all guys are the same. They only want sex. That's a little simplified don't you think? Sure it's true for some guys. It's also true for some girls. I'm glad the phrase 'man whore' is becoming more popular. It's not just the girls who are sluts.
There are many of us that aren't though. For example, there are things (emotionally and physically) that I won't do with/for a guy who I'm not in a relationship with.
However, I'm getting away from my point. I had a friend, who I introduced to hockey awhile back and who became my man subject confidante. That was really the extent of our friendship now that I think about it. The problem was that she was jealous and therefore bitchy. She thought I was prettier and she envied my confidence. Maybe I am more attractive. She's not bad looking though. What makes her ugly is her jealousy and need to belittle others to make herself feel better. It doesn't seem to work well for her though. What a surprise. Most recently, I believe she has bought the tickets for the seats next to me through the holidays. Does this seem a little far fetched? I think not. When you're that jealous and that insecure, you also tend to be that irrational.
My reasoning behind this conclusion? For the past 3 games no one has sat next to me in that row. However, at the far end of the section are 3 of her friends. One constantly goes over to her section to talk (all the way across the arena...really?). No one would buy those seats and never come except someone irrational with a lot of money. I think that points to her? Along with the fact that she wants to make me miserable and alone in my section.
I'm not sorry that she only goes with her parents and one friend occasionally. I'm not sorry she only has one friend. That's completely her fault. We were all there for her until she secluded herself and blamed her problems on us (us being my best friends from 'flete). I felt bad, so I went along for awhile.
I'm completely done now though. If I ever find proof that she did that, I will find her outside after a game and punch her in the face.
So yes, there are girls like that. The insanely jealous and insecure type who become bitches to cover it up. But we aren't all like that. In fact, most of us are pretty rational most of the time. That doesn't mean you (men) will always understand why we do what we do and it doesn't mean we will always understand why you do things that you do, but we aren't monsters. Sometimes you just have to ask for an explanation.
Sorry about the rant. I felt the need to put it somewhere public.
There are many girls who go around thinking all guys are the same. They only want sex. That's a little simplified don't you think? Sure it's true for some guys. It's also true for some girls. I'm glad the phrase 'man whore' is becoming more popular. It's not just the girls who are sluts.
There are many of us that aren't though. For example, there are things (emotionally and physically) that I won't do with/for a guy who I'm not in a relationship with.
However, I'm getting away from my point. I had a friend, who I introduced to hockey awhile back and who became my man subject confidante. That was really the extent of our friendship now that I think about it. The problem was that she was jealous and therefore bitchy. She thought I was prettier and she envied my confidence. Maybe I am more attractive. She's not bad looking though. What makes her ugly is her jealousy and need to belittle others to make herself feel better. It doesn't seem to work well for her though. What a surprise. Most recently, I believe she has bought the tickets for the seats next to me through the holidays. Does this seem a little far fetched? I think not. When you're that jealous and that insecure, you also tend to be that irrational.
My reasoning behind this conclusion? For the past 3 games no one has sat next to me in that row. However, at the far end of the section are 3 of her friends. One constantly goes over to her section to talk (all the way across the arena...really?). No one would buy those seats and never come except someone irrational with a lot of money. I think that points to her? Along with the fact that she wants to make me miserable and alone in my section.
I'm not sorry that she only goes with her parents and one friend occasionally. I'm not sorry she only has one friend. That's completely her fault. We were all there for her until she secluded herself and blamed her problems on us (us being my best friends from 'flete). I felt bad, so I went along for awhile.
I'm completely done now though. If I ever find proof that she did that, I will find her outside after a game and punch her in the face.
So yes, there are girls like that. The insanely jealous and insecure type who become bitches to cover it up. But we aren't all like that. In fact, most of us are pretty rational most of the time. That doesn't mean you (men) will always understand why we do what we do and it doesn't mean we will always understand why you do things that you do, but we aren't monsters. Sometimes you just have to ask for an explanation.
Sorry about the rant. I felt the need to put it somewhere public.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Christmas/102 Things Guys Should Know About Girls
Today was pretty relaxed. Didn't have to get dressed thankfully. I'm sick. I don't know how I got it. I haven't really seen many people since I got Luca last Friday. Being the equivalent of a toddler parent does that. I'm determined to be great by Monday...possibly tomorrow even. So I should go to bed right now. I will after I write the second part of this post.
I found a group on facebook called 102 Things Guys Should Know About Girls. Some of it is true and some is not. So I thought I would make my own comments on each one. Green is true. Blue is false. Anything in parentheses is my own commentary (my opinion not a generalization).
(Here is the link to the group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=221462406125&ref=share&v=info)
1. Do not cheat on a girl. We girls talk, we WILL know, and we WILL find out, and we WILL dump you! (probably dumping...I suppose there are the rare cases in which that doesn't happen)
2. Be aware of all your girlfriends’ guy friends, brothers, fathers, or anything. They are protective. Every single male friend we have will kick your ass if you end up hurting her.
3. Never ever miss an opportunity to tell her that she’s beautiful. We girls love that. (to a point...enough is enough though)
4. If she slapped you hard, you probably deserved it. (Sometimes I'm a little more violent than I mean to be. Sometimes I overreact to things. It happens.)
5. Do not be afraid of holding her. If she’s going out with you in the first place, it’s obvious that she likes you and wants to be in your arms. (This doesn't include PDA though. Minimize the PDA)
6. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend -- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts or hoodie’s, and a really pretty piece of jewelry. (Personally I think the hoodie or sweatshirt is the best)
7. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely. We think that’s really cute and sweet.
8. If a guy is bothering your girlfriend, it is your right to beat the sh!t out of him. (only if it's unavoidable)
9. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer. It’ll make her feel secure that you love her more than the other girl. (No) 10. Never ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back. (Again, I disagree. If is playful, then okay.)
11. Go along with her to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went with her. (If you really can't stand them then say so and don't go. It's really not that big of a deal.)
12. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend. Or else. (Yeahhh...do it.)
13. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle. Let her win once in a while. (Psh. I'm not that fragile. I'll beat a guy fair and square...maybe)
14. Memorize your girlfriend’s birthday. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life. Not gonna lie. (Not screwed for life, but try to remember)
15. Don't drench yourself in the cologne, but smell good. (No drenching! I don't enjoy sneezing constantly. I personally like a natural clean scent)
16. You don’t have to spend a million dollars on the Birthday/Christmas/Valentine gift. It doesn't have to be expensive, or cost anything but it has to be meaningful. (I'm pretty wary of expensive gifts from guys at this point. You can't buy me.)
17. Don’t ever lie to us; we always find out. (Yeah I will read it right on your face)
18. Don’t say you understand when you don’t. That’s bad.
19. Remember: Girls are pretty, but yours is the Prettiest! (at least pretend she is! I do enjoy discussing attractive qualities in celebrities with guys though)
20. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; but doing something sweet will always get you off the hook. (seriously. often the sweetest things are the things guys don't do on purpose that get them off the hook)
21. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not girls that want relationships. (As long as you know how to use it well :)
22. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe. Don’t bother trying to convince us otherwise, that is a bad idea. (Not true. Just keep info to a minimum and so will I. Some information is necessary though. The past says something about the future.)
23. It’s good to be sensitive, to a point. (TO A POINT)
24. If you did something wrong, apologize. Even if you didn’t, do it anyway. (If you didn't, don't apologize. If a girl is irrational enough to think you should, she's an idiot)
25. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (True. I rarely show when something hurts me. So if you know you were a jerk, you should know I'm hurt)
26. We are self-conscious by nature; we can’t help it. Let it be. (No it's not by nature. But no one is always 100% confident)
27. We don’t shave our legs every day so just get over it. (! I just happen to be blessed with smooth legs...)
28. Shave your face, no matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we probably hate it. We like you clean shaven. (Not always true. Facial hair is attractive on some guys. If I think it is, I'll tell you.)
29. Show off a little, we think it’s cute.
30. You are our boyfriend, our man, our protector, whether you know it or not, you are; act like it. (It's fine to act silly and immature sometimes. We all do.)
31. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).
32. We love it when you hug us from behind and whisper in our ear. (or talk...either way it will make me smile)
33. "Fine" is NEVER an appropriate response when I ask you how I look. (I probably won't ask, because I already know the answer.)
34. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you. Don’t obsess over that. (Girls tend to do that...)
35. I expect you to call me. If you don’t, you go down. (I suppose it depends on how long it's been since we've talked.)
36. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be. Don’t you dare take advantage of that. (I have high expectations of people, so when they don't live up to them, I don't forgive. So if I do, you're damn special.)
37. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing. (I would never do that! especially out loud)
38. You look hot in hooded clothing items. Always.
39. You should never tell a girl what to do. Ever. (suggestions work better. Plus I'm so stubborn, I usually do the opposite)
40. Any decent man will ask a girl out to her face. I mean; if you aren’t man enough to ask us out to our face, who says you're gonna be man enough to our boyfriend at all.
41. Girls are very impressed when you ask them for advice. Unless its about another girl. (First part: doesn't really matter I suppose. Second: That would just be dumb)
42. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead. (more like I'm impressed when a guy takes the lead because most don't in my experience)
43. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color. (I really don't care)
44. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby. (they forgot to mention no shirt...and I'd say holding a baby would be classified as really cute)
45. Girls need to hear how you feel about them. Often. Tell her now. (sometimes. not all the time. showing is good too)
46. A girl wants to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this and tell her. (But only if it's true. If it's not don't say anything about it.)
47. If she’s not feeling loved, she will start looking...(extremely true. This does not mean cheating though. Cheating should be a never ever)
48. We like it when you tell us what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself. It’s cute. (Only sometimes. I don't need to be your psychologist)
49. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...(strippers don't really count unless you vigorously interact with them and please take a shower after. Obviously we all go to bachelor/bachelorette/bday/etc parties at some point)
50. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
51. We can fall in love with you without really knowing you, if you are an @ss, we will find out, and we will get over it. Fast. Don't ruin it. (You can't fall in love with someone you don't know. That's just ridiculous.)
52. You like her, make a move. Don’t just sit there, you will fail, and you won’t get her.
53. Baseball players are hot. The sport makes you skinny and your arm muscles… well, it’s hot. We’ll go to all your games even if we hate baseball. (First of all, no to baseball. Yes to hockey and soccer, but I would always prefer my own guy to one of them and yes to the last sentence)
54. When you compliment us, we aren't sure how to accept the compliment without leading you on or reject the compliment without hurting you. So just bear with us here. (For guys I'm uninterested in: I say thanks, smile and leave quickly. For a guy I do like: I'll feel really awkward and probably show it too, but I'll still be happy about it.)
55. WE HATE BEING LED ON! If you think it's bad being led on by a girl, try being led on by a guy. (I'd say it's pretty even eithe way)
56. We like it when guys are willing to have an actual relationship, not just a one-night stand. Most girls don't like pimps or players, just guys who like ONE girl only. (If you're in a place where a one-night stand is what you want, then be honest. It's not a bad thing necessarily.)
57. But don't be obssessive. Major turn-off. (!!!! Please have a life that doesn't include me 24/7)
58. Call sometimes, just to say hi, not for a certain reason. When we see your number on caller ID, our heart always skips a beat. Try calling just to say good night, or good morning, its soo adorable! (I dunno about the just to say hi bit. Personally I'm not a big fan of using the phone unless needed. But do use it sometimes.)
59. BE HONEST! (There is such things as too honest though.)
60. Don't ONLY tell us what we want to hear. We HATE that.
61. At sleepovers, if you wonder what we talk about, quit worrying. It really is only you. (This one made me laugh because it's true.)
62. If you catch us staring, it is most likely because we're spacing out, not because we really stare at you. Unless we smile when you notice. Then you either look really hot, or we like you.
63. We like it when you hold us when we're crying. It's good to feel loved and safe. (me crying in front of a guy is unlikely to happen though unless I'm very comfortable)
64. Don't go to our friends to talk about us. Come straight to us.
65. Don't tell us you love us unless you are positive you mean it. If we don't say it back, it's just that we really want to mean it when we say it. Don't say it right away, then it shows lack of commitment. (and of course remember that the girl is almost always going to wait for the guy to say it first, because girls don't want to scare their guys away)
66. We like our hands to be held and our waists to be touched.
67. We like you to kiss our hand and cheeks and forehead (esp. forehead!!), not just shove your tongue down our throats. We do like to breathe. (breathing is essential. Obviously some kisses are affectionate and some have a more intense meaning)
68. We like it when you're tender, but don't lose your masculinity. (you can be both)
69. Do chivalrous things when we least expect it (ex. holding doors for us).
70. As surprising as it may be, while guys might actually look at personality, the first thing girls look at tends to be looks. We're not going to see you and think, 'I wonder what his personality is like!' Terrible, but true. (Like I've said before, I can't be with a guy who isn't both very attractive and very smart)
71. If we love you, and you're hurt on the basketball court, rolling on the floor in pain; we’re hurting more just watching you. (even if we like you, it sucks not to be able to do anything. Love is more like: I would take your emotional and physical pain away and put it on myself if I could type thing)
72. We LOVE it when you get nervous around us. It's adorable! Don't think you have to be Mr. Cool Guy all the time. (Yeah...acting cool all the time will make me think you don't actually like me)
73. Don't play hard to get. We’ll get bored and move on. (most probably anyway...)
74. If you don't call us, then we will spend hours thinking about why you never called, and we will waste a lot of time thinking about it, eventually coming to the conclusion that we don't like you anymore. (I have a life, so I'm not going to spend hours thinking about it. That doesn't mean I won't feel it though.)
75. We lost interest quickly if you lead us on but never take action.
76. We might seem to flirt a lot, but a girl always thinks about the one guy she really likes right before she falls asleep. (Flirting is kind of in my nature, but when I really like a guy I don't even think about it.)
77. When a girl likes a guy, she subconsciously gives him a song that makes her think of him every time she hears it. (Yeah pretty much. If I like you a lot I might even find 2)
78. If guys do the same as girls do in #77, tell her what song reminds you of her.
79. Randomly compliment girls in conversations. If you're talking about sports, be like "Oh, by the way, that shirt really made your eyes look green today." It totally throws us off, and we love it. (I guess that's nice on occasion)
80. Ask us about how we're doing once in a while, and at least pretend to be interested.
81. If we're not talking to you, we secretly want you to talk to us first. (This is one of the many girl tests. If you don't talk to us first at least half the time, we won't think you care. It's not a great thing to do, but even I am guilty of it.)
82. Play with our hair without being like a gay hairstylist. (I guess...if you want??)
83. We get really happy when you show any sign of interest. Don't just do it and then never do it again. Bad bad bad…
84. Keep up the conversation on IM and phones and in person! Don't be awkward. That’s bad. (Sometimes awkward is cute too though)
85. We will always feel bad if we don't like you back. Not all girls are bitches, no matter what you may think. We hate to reject you. (unless you're a creep...in which case I'm not afraid to bitch slap you)
86. ok, so some girls are bitches and they like rejecting boys, but the people who wrote this group are not. better?
87. If we say "Let's just be friends", we really mean it. Don't keep trying to pursue us, and don't say ok and then ignore us. That's just mean and horrible. (and so fucking annoying!)
88. It's adorable when a best guy friend who a girl has thought about liking confesses he likes her. (That just doesn't need to happen to me)
89. If you’re single, find the one girl who’s always there on the sidelines at your football game, or at each of your concerts, all your baseball games. She loves you. Her excuse may be that she’s there for her brother, but she’s really there for you. (Make sure she's not a creeper and only pursue if you're interested)
90. After you find that girl, smile at her once in a while, it’ll mean the world to her. (I promise I'll probably melt inside just a bit)
91. Get to know her, you’ll make her year first of all, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll end up liking her.
92. Not all blondes are bitches. Some are cool.
93. Not all blondes are sluts. Some have morals.
94. In your mind, give every girl a chance. Each one deserves at least one.
95. Girls fantasize too, its just not always about sex.
96. We girls give you guys code names so that you don’t know that we’re talking about you. :] (When I had a crush on a guy junior year I called him B squared and his little brother, baby B squared. Others have been SWAH and The jerky)
97. If you’re jealous, it may suck for you, but we think it’s attractive if you really care that much. (Jealousy is only okay to a point and if you're secure in a relationship, there isn't any need)
98. If a girl blushes when you talk to her, she either likes you or she's embarrassed by what you're saying. (apparently I blush...)
99. Girls don’t really write your name on a piece of paper a million times if they like you, that’s a myth…… sometimes
100. If a girl really likes you, just seeing you will make her day. (seriously. just for 5 seconds and the day is looking up)
101. Even if you aren’t all that cute, and we like you, we think you’re hot. Don’t take advantage of that, take pride in that. (True, but if I like you, then you should know for sure you are hot and not just in my eyes.)
102. Every time you smile at us, it may mean only a little to you, but it means the world to us. Don't take the little things for granted.
So that was kind of fun..I guess. I need to sleep and not be sick anymore. While we're on this topic though...Today my mom said her friend had an attractive son who goes to USM and happens to be a psych major. I laughed and said that's nice, but I'm not looking. Then my dad responded, "you're not looking at guys right now?! That's great!" I gave him my 'don't be ridiculous' look and said "I didn't say that." To which my mom asked if that meant I wasn't still interested in the carpenter's son who goes to keene (6'3, brown hair, brown eyes, essence of manliness). I said I'm not interested in anyone except Luke (figured I might as well admit it. Everyone knows it.)
Now I'm going to hide under my pillow/go to sleep.
I found a group on facebook called 102 Things Guys Should Know About Girls. Some of it is true and some is not. So I thought I would make my own comments on each one. Green is true. Blue is false. Anything in parentheses is my own commentary (my opinion not a generalization).
(Here is the link to the group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=221462406125&ref=share&v=info)
2. Be aware of all your girlfriends’ guy friends, brothers, fathers, or anything. They are protective. Every single male friend we have will kick your ass if you end up hurting her.
3. Never ever miss an opportunity to tell her that she’s beautiful. We girls love that. (to a point...enough is enough though)
4. If she slapped you hard, you probably deserved it. (Sometimes I'm a little more violent than I mean to be. Sometimes I overreact to things. It happens.)
5. Do not be afraid of holding her. If she’s going out with you in the first place, it’s obvious that she likes you and wants to be in your arms. (This doesn't include PDA though. Minimize the PDA)
6. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend -- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts or hoodie’s, and a really pretty piece of jewelry. (Personally I think the hoodie or sweatshirt is the best)
7. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely. We think that’s really cute and sweet.
8. If a guy is bothering your girlfriend, it is your right to beat the sh!t out of him. (only if it's unavoidable)
9. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer. It’ll make her feel secure that you love her more than the other girl. (No) 10. Never ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back. (Again, I disagree. If is playful, then okay.)
11. Go along with her to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went with her. (If you really can't stand them then say so and don't go. It's really not that big of a deal.)
12. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend. Or else. (Yeahhh...do it.)
13. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle. Let her win once in a while. (Psh. I'm not that fragile. I'll beat a guy fair and square...maybe)
14. Memorize your girlfriend’s birthday. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life. Not gonna lie. (Not screwed for life, but try to remember)
15. Don't drench yourself in the cologne, but smell good. (No drenching! I don't enjoy sneezing constantly. I personally like a natural clean scent)
16. You don’t have to spend a million dollars on the Birthday/Christmas/Valentine gift. It doesn't have to be expensive, or cost anything but it has to be meaningful. (I'm pretty wary of expensive gifts from guys at this point. You can't buy me.)
17. Don’t ever lie to us; we always find out. (Yeah I will read it right on your face)
18. Don’t say you understand when you don’t. That’s bad.
19. Remember: Girls are pretty, but yours is the Prettiest! (at least pretend she is! I do enjoy discussing attractive qualities in celebrities with guys though)
20. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; but doing something sweet will always get you off the hook. (seriously. often the sweetest things are the things guys don't do on purpose that get them off the hook)
21. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not girls that want relationships. (As long as you know how to use it well :)
22. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe. Don’t bother trying to convince us otherwise, that is a bad idea. (Not true. Just keep info to a minimum and so will I. Some information is necessary though. The past says something about the future.)
23. It’s good to be sensitive, to a point. (TO A POINT)
24. If you did something wrong, apologize. Even if you didn’t, do it anyway. (If you didn't, don't apologize. If a girl is irrational enough to think you should, she's an idiot)
25. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (True. I rarely show when something hurts me. So if you know you were a jerk, you should know I'm hurt)
26. We are self-conscious by nature; we can’t help it. Let it be. (No it's not by nature. But no one is always 100% confident)
27. We don’t shave our legs every day so just get over it. (! I just happen to be blessed with smooth legs...)
28. Shave your face, no matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we probably hate it. We like you clean shaven. (Not always true. Facial hair is attractive on some guys. If I think it is, I'll tell you.)
29. Show off a little, we think it’s cute.
30. You are our boyfriend, our man, our protector, whether you know it or not, you are; act like it. (It's fine to act silly and immature sometimes. We all do.)
31. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).
32. We love it when you hug us from behind and whisper in our ear. (or talk...either way it will make me smile)
33. "Fine" is NEVER an appropriate response when I ask you how I look. (I probably won't ask, because I already know the answer.)
34. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you. Don’t obsess over that. (Girls tend to do that...)
35. I expect you to call me. If you don’t, you go down. (I suppose it depends on how long it's been since we've talked.)
36. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be. Don’t you dare take advantage of that. (I have high expectations of people, so when they don't live up to them, I don't forgive. So if I do, you're damn special.)
37. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing. (I would never do that! especially out loud)
38. You look hot in hooded clothing items. Always.
39. You should never tell a girl what to do. Ever. (suggestions work better. Plus I'm so stubborn, I usually do the opposite)
40. Any decent man will ask a girl out to her face. I mean; if you aren’t man enough to ask us out to our face, who says you're gonna be man enough to our boyfriend at all.
41. Girls are very impressed when you ask them for advice. Unless its about another girl. (First part: doesn't really matter I suppose. Second: That would just be dumb)
42. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead. (more like I'm impressed when a guy takes the lead because most don't in my experience)
43. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color. (I really don't care)
44. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby. (they forgot to mention no shirt...and I'd say holding a baby would be classified as really cute)
45. Girls need to hear how you feel about them. Often. Tell her now. (sometimes. not all the time. showing is good too)
46. A girl wants to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this and tell her. (But only if it's true. If it's not don't say anything about it.)
47. If she’s not feeling loved, she will start looking...(extremely true. This does not mean cheating though. Cheating should be a never ever)
48. We like it when you tell us what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself. It’s cute. (Only sometimes. I don't need to be your psychologist)
49. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...(strippers don't really count unless you vigorously interact with them and please take a shower after. Obviously we all go to bachelor/bachelorette/bday/etc parties at some point)
50. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
51. We can fall in love with you without really knowing you, if you are an @ss, we will find out, and we will get over it. Fast. Don't ruin it. (You can't fall in love with someone you don't know. That's just ridiculous.)
52. You like her, make a move. Don’t just sit there, you will fail, and you won’t get her.
53. Baseball players are hot. The sport makes you skinny and your arm muscles… well, it’s hot. We’ll go to all your games even if we hate baseball. (First of all, no to baseball. Yes to hockey and soccer, but I would always prefer my own guy to one of them and yes to the last sentence)
54. When you compliment us, we aren't sure how to accept the compliment without leading you on or reject the compliment without hurting you. So just bear with us here. (For guys I'm uninterested in: I say thanks, smile and leave quickly. For a guy I do like: I'll feel really awkward and probably show it too, but I'll still be happy about it.)
55. WE HATE BEING LED ON! If you think it's bad being led on by a girl, try being led on by a guy. (I'd say it's pretty even eithe way)
56. We like it when guys are willing to have an actual relationship, not just a one-night stand. Most girls don't like pimps or players, just guys who like ONE girl only. (If you're in a place where a one-night stand is what you want, then be honest. It's not a bad thing necessarily.)
57. But don't be obssessive. Major turn-off. (!!!! Please have a life that doesn't include me 24/7)
58. Call sometimes, just to say hi, not for a certain reason. When we see your number on caller ID, our heart always skips a beat. Try calling just to say good night, or good morning, its soo adorable! (I dunno about the just to say hi bit. Personally I'm not a big fan of using the phone unless needed. But do use it sometimes.)
59. BE HONEST! (There is such things as too honest though.)
60. Don't ONLY tell us what we want to hear. We HATE that.
61. At sleepovers, if you wonder what we talk about, quit worrying. It really is only you. (This one made me laugh because it's true.)
62. If you catch us staring, it is most likely because we're spacing out, not because we really stare at you. Unless we smile when you notice. Then you either look really hot, or we like you.
63. We like it when you hold us when we're crying. It's good to feel loved and safe. (me crying in front of a guy is unlikely to happen though unless I'm very comfortable)
64. Don't go to our friends to talk about us. Come straight to us.
65. Don't tell us you love us unless you are positive you mean it. If we don't say it back, it's just that we really want to mean it when we say it. Don't say it right away, then it shows lack of commitment. (and of course remember that the girl is almost always going to wait for the guy to say it first, because girls don't want to scare their guys away)
66. We like our hands to be held and our waists to be touched.
67. We like you to kiss our hand and cheeks and forehead (esp. forehead!!), not just shove your tongue down our throats. We do like to breathe. (breathing is essential. Obviously some kisses are affectionate and some have a more intense meaning)
68. We like it when you're tender, but don't lose your masculinity. (you can be both)
69. Do chivalrous things when we least expect it (ex. holding doors for us).
70. As surprising as it may be, while guys might actually look at personality, the first thing girls look at tends to be looks. We're not going to see you and think, 'I wonder what his personality is like!' Terrible, but true. (Like I've said before, I can't be with a guy who isn't both very attractive and very smart)
71. If we love you, and you're hurt on the basketball court, rolling on the floor in pain; we’re hurting more just watching you. (even if we like you, it sucks not to be able to do anything. Love is more like: I would take your emotional and physical pain away and put it on myself if I could type thing)
72. We LOVE it when you get nervous around us. It's adorable! Don't think you have to be Mr. Cool Guy all the time. (Yeah...acting cool all the time will make me think you don't actually like me)
73. Don't play hard to get. We’ll get bored and move on. (most probably anyway...)
74. If you don't call us, then we will spend hours thinking about why you never called, and we will waste a lot of time thinking about it, eventually coming to the conclusion that we don't like you anymore. (I have a life, so I'm not going to spend hours thinking about it. That doesn't mean I won't feel it though.)
75. We lost interest quickly if you lead us on but never take action.
76. We might seem to flirt a lot, but a girl always thinks about the one guy she really likes right before she falls asleep. (Flirting is kind of in my nature, but when I really like a guy I don't even think about it.)
77. When a girl likes a guy, she subconsciously gives him a song that makes her think of him every time she hears it. (Yeah pretty much. If I like you a lot I might even find 2)
78. If guys do the same as girls do in #77, tell her what song reminds you of her.
79. Randomly compliment girls in conversations. If you're talking about sports, be like "Oh, by the way, that shirt really made your eyes look green today." It totally throws us off, and we love it. (I guess that's nice on occasion)
80. Ask us about how we're doing once in a while, and at least pretend to be interested.
81. If we're not talking to you, we secretly want you to talk to us first. (This is one of the many girl tests. If you don't talk to us first at least half the time, we won't think you care. It's not a great thing to do, but even I am guilty of it.)
82. Play with our hair without being like a gay hairstylist. (I guess...if you want??)
83. We get really happy when you show any sign of interest. Don't just do it and then never do it again. Bad bad bad…
84. Keep up the conversation on IM and phones and in person! Don't be awkward. That’s bad. (Sometimes awkward is cute too though)
85. We will always feel bad if we don't like you back. Not all girls are bitches, no matter what you may think. We hate to reject you. (unless you're a creep...in which case I'm not afraid to bitch slap you)
86. ok, so some girls are bitches and they like rejecting boys, but the people who wrote this group are not. better?
87. If we say "Let's just be friends", we really mean it. Don't keep trying to pursue us, and don't say ok and then ignore us. That's just mean and horrible. (and so fucking annoying!)
88. It's adorable when a best guy friend who a girl has thought about liking confesses he likes her. (That just doesn't need to happen to me)
89. If you’re single, find the one girl who’s always there on the sidelines at your football game, or at each of your concerts, all your baseball games. She loves you. Her excuse may be that she’s there for her brother, but she’s really there for you. (Make sure she's not a creeper and only pursue if you're interested)
90. After you find that girl, smile at her once in a while, it’ll mean the world to her. (I promise I'll probably melt inside just a bit)
91. Get to know her, you’ll make her year first of all, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll end up liking her.
92. Not all blondes are bitches. Some are cool.
93. Not all blondes are sluts. Some have morals.
94. In your mind, give every girl a chance. Each one deserves at least one.
95. Girls fantasize too, its just not always about sex.
96. We girls give you guys code names so that you don’t know that we’re talking about you. :] (When I had a crush on a guy junior year I called him B squared and his little brother, baby B squared. Others have been SWAH and The jerky)
97. If you’re jealous, it may suck for you, but we think it’s attractive if you really care that much. (Jealousy is only okay to a point and if you're secure in a relationship, there isn't any need)
98. If a girl blushes when you talk to her, she either likes you or she's embarrassed by what you're saying. (apparently I blush...)
99. Girls don’t really write your name on a piece of paper a million times if they like you, that’s a myth…… sometimes
100. If a girl really likes you, just seeing you will make her day. (seriously. just for 5 seconds and the day is looking up)
101. Even if you aren’t all that cute, and we like you, we think you’re hot. Don’t take advantage of that, take pride in that. (True, but if I like you, then you should know for sure you are hot and not just in my eyes.)
102. Every time you smile at us, it may mean only a little to you, but it means the world to us. Don't take the little things for granted.
So that was kind of fun..I guess. I need to sleep and not be sick anymore. While we're on this topic though...Today my mom said her friend had an attractive son who goes to USM and happens to be a psych major. I laughed and said that's nice, but I'm not looking. Then my dad responded, "you're not looking at guys right now?! That's great!" I gave him my 'don't be ridiculous' look and said "I didn't say that." To which my mom asked if that meant I wasn't still interested in the carpenter's son who goes to keene (6'3, brown hair, brown eyes, essence of manliness). I said I'm not interested in anyone except Luke (figured I might as well admit it. Everyone knows it.)
Now I'm going to hide under my pillow/go to sleep.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Santa Claus Is Not Coming To Town
Old Town Square, Praha, Česká Republika
My present didn't come wrapped. He came through a door on a cold winter morning. His eyes were exceedingly sad and chocolate brown. The kind you could drown in. He swiftly crossed the room and kissed me. I wrapped him in my arms and he rested his head on my shoulder as though he knew he was home.
His name is...Luca. I bet I got you on that one! Maybe not though...
Anyway, not expecting many presents tomorrow because Luca has become, as my mom says, "a thousand dollar dog." (vet, necessities, etc)
I'm still holding out for the best gift (besides Luca). It won't come in a package tomorrow. It won't come in a package at all. Got my hopes up and fingers crossed. You know me (if you know me, that is), I always have my hopes up. I'm happy to say, I haven't been disappointed yet, but there is always more.
Christmas has come so fast this year. I haven't played many Christmas songs recently, which is unusual for me. Honestly, I've been so busy with Luca, I can't keep up with what day it is. Kind of lacking that extra special warm and fuzzy feeling this time of year usually brings. I feel luke warm. Maybe because I'm so tired? As a result the romantic aspect of the holiday season hasn't really hit me. That's probably a good thing. I'm not seeing couples everywhere and hoping they slip on ice. Just kidding. I would never think anything like that...maybe...("You'll never know...")
I'll save that negativity for Valentines Day. I hate that day. I hide and pretend it doesn't exist.
Speaking of couples during the holiday, I only thought of them today because I watched the Christmas tree lighting ceremony (a rerun obviously). At the end there was a sing-a-long to Walking In A Winter Wonderland. The camera stopped on a couple. The woman was singing enthusiastically and the guy was kind of bobbing along, but looked to embarrassed to sing. The woman turned to look at him and they both burst into laughter. It was the cutest thing.
Last order of the night: New Years. I'm pretty damn excited. Honestly I don't care if there are 8 of us or lot more. The important thing is that I get to be with all of my favorite people (hopefully all of them), look pretty (not that I don't most of the time), dance and laugh. I love planning parties, decorating and baking etc. Then I get to enjoy the evening and watch the ball drop in Time Square and maybe...
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
If My Heart Was A House
You'd be home.
So I watched 2 romantic comedies/dramas with my mom tonight.
Seeing The Jane Austin Book Club again gave me a new appreciation for the books. I haven't read them all, but I really want to now and re-read the others. I like that there are 6 different stories interwoven. Their lives all connect through their book club. Of course each story involved love and relationships.
There was the young highschool French teacher who was married to a business man. Their problem? He barely paid attention to her and took her for granted. Enter: handsome, bad boy highschool student. Which one did she choose?
Then there was the oldest woman in the group who had been married 5 or 6 times. She loved being in love and was thinking about remarrying.
Then the slightly lost and insecure woman who's husband left her for a 45 year old. Her daughter moved in with her. Did she move on or decided to eat in bed and sleep?
Then there was the 40ish woman who had never been in love and wasn't exactly looking. She was the matchmaker and friend for the previous woman.
Then there was the daughter of the woman who's husband left her. She was a lesbian who liked to be wild and do things like sky diving, which was the opposite of her mother.
Last but not least: The man who liked the single, never-been-in-love woman. He had never read Jane Austen (he liked science fiction) until he met the woman who thought he'd be good for the third woman. You can tell that's complicated huh?
I liked the end, because all of the men had a chance to redeem themselves. The first couple was my favorite. She begged him to read Persuasion. They read it together and in the end their men (except for the daughter of course) became part of the book club. Men reading Jane Austen?! This is miraculous!
I want to put a lot of emphasis on writing. There was a whole scene talking about how the men in Jane Austen's books often redeemed themselves or explained themselves through writing letters or notes. I love writing letters. I love receiving letters. I notice females write more letters these days than men. Normally I would say tell a woman how you feel, rather than write. Sometimes it's nice to write too though. Writing letters can be an art after all. So go for it as long as you can talk about it as well as write about it.
My mother and I just started watching Junebug. It seems interesting. What caught my attention most was the scene where the husband of the pregnant wife (Amy Adams) tried really hard to tape a show on meercats, because those are her favorite animals. Unfortunately it didn't work, but it was the most adorable thing I've seen in awhile. It's odd things like that that mean the most. When a guy picks up on little things like that, it shows he really cares.
Speaking of animals, my favorite is a wolf. I've said this to a few times, but sometimes I have wondered if I would make a better wolf than human. I haven't thought that so much lately though. I think we all know I would be the alpha female. Human society is so much more complicated.
So I watched 2 romantic comedies/dramas with my mom tonight.
Seeing The Jane Austin Book Club again gave me a new appreciation for the books. I haven't read them all, but I really want to now and re-read the others. I like that there are 6 different stories interwoven. Their lives all connect through their book club. Of course each story involved love and relationships.
There was the young highschool French teacher who was married to a business man. Their problem? He barely paid attention to her and took her for granted. Enter: handsome, bad boy highschool student. Which one did she choose?
Then there was the oldest woman in the group who had been married 5 or 6 times. She loved being in love and was thinking about remarrying.
Then the slightly lost and insecure woman who's husband left her for a 45 year old. Her daughter moved in with her. Did she move on or decided to eat in bed and sleep?
Then there was the 40ish woman who had never been in love and wasn't exactly looking. She was the matchmaker and friend for the previous woman.
Then there was the daughter of the woman who's husband left her. She was a lesbian who liked to be wild and do things like sky diving, which was the opposite of her mother.
Last but not least: The man who liked the single, never-been-in-love woman. He had never read Jane Austen (he liked science fiction) until he met the woman who thought he'd be good for the third woman. You can tell that's complicated huh?
I liked the end, because all of the men had a chance to redeem themselves. The first couple was my favorite. She begged him to read Persuasion. They read it together and in the end their men (except for the daughter of course) became part of the book club. Men reading Jane Austen?! This is miraculous!
I want to put a lot of emphasis on writing. There was a whole scene talking about how the men in Jane Austen's books often redeemed themselves or explained themselves through writing letters or notes. I love writing letters. I love receiving letters. I notice females write more letters these days than men. Normally I would say tell a woman how you feel, rather than write. Sometimes it's nice to write too though. Writing letters can be an art after all. So go for it as long as you can talk about it as well as write about it.
My mother and I just started watching Junebug. It seems interesting. What caught my attention most was the scene where the husband of the pregnant wife (Amy Adams) tried really hard to tape a show on meercats, because those are her favorite animals. Unfortunately it didn't work, but it was the most adorable thing I've seen in awhile. It's odd things like that that mean the most. When a guy picks up on little things like that, it shows he really cares.
Speaking of animals, my favorite is a wolf. I've said this to a few times, but sometimes I have wondered if I would make a better wolf than human. I haven't thought that so much lately though. I think we all know I would be the alpha female. Human society is so much more complicated.
"Highschool Never Ends"
That's a quote from The Jane Austin Book Club. It made me wonder: Is that true? I started to think, maybe. In large highschools probably not, but in small schools like Waynflete? I see people from 'flete everywhere all the time. I have my group of friends from there. We're really like a family and it's kind of hard to infiltrate, but I've been trying to add to our group.
I often hang out with the guys (Jared, Beans, and Sam). It's nice to revert back to childhood with them or even just being a teenager. When I was 10, I wished I was 18. Then someone told me that I shouldn't want to grow up so fast. So I stopped. I started enjoying every year as it came and went. Now I'm an adult. Truly, it's not as fun as it was when I was 7, but I still enjoy it. There are new fun things to do, but more responsibility too.
For the past 5 days, I've been a mother. Holy shit it's hard! Luca isn't even a real baby! He's the equivalent of a toddler. Today was bad. I had to clean up his puke from my car and poop from a chinese rug. Not so fun. Not so fun waking up at 7 or 8 to make sure he doesn't pee in his crate and I'm exhausted early in the evening. By 5 PM I just want to sit and watch tv. By 10 I want to go to bed. It's worth it though. That's my biggest responsibility right now.
Speaking of responsibility, in 10 months and 17 days, I'll be 21. Last year, I thought people died off at 20 and came back older (not literally).
I often hang out with the guys (Jared, Beans, and Sam). It's nice to revert back to childhood with them or even just being a teenager. When I was 10, I wished I was 18. Then someone told me that I shouldn't want to grow up so fast. So I stopped. I started enjoying every year as it came and went. Now I'm an adult. Truly, it's not as fun as it was when I was 7, but I still enjoy it. There are new fun things to do, but more responsibility too.
For the past 5 days, I've been a mother. Holy shit it's hard! Luca isn't even a real baby! He's the equivalent of a toddler. Today was bad. I had to clean up his puke from my car and poop from a chinese rug. Not so fun. Not so fun waking up at 7 or 8 to make sure he doesn't pee in his crate and I'm exhausted early in the evening. By 5 PM I just want to sit and watch tv. By 10 I want to go to bed. It's worth it though. That's my biggest responsibility right now.
Speaking of responsibility, in 10 months and 17 days, I'll be 21. Last year, I thought people died off at 20 and came back older (not literally).
Howl
Tonight I tried to let Luca sleep in my room. Didn't work. He wanted to chew on everything, especially my bed. I have a feeling if I let him sleep in my bed with me, he wouldn't chew everything. My mom doesn't want him on furniture though. So I had to put him in his crate downstairs. He whined and even howled like a hound for about 10 minutes. It's so hard to leave him down there by himself in the dark. It made me cry.
Then I realized maybe it's really me who doesn't want to be left in the dark to sleep alone. When I was little I used to run into my parents room in the middle of the night and sleep between them. I did that practically every night. Then I would sleep in the bed from the beginning and my dad would carry me back to my bed after I'd gone to sleep. I was a terrible kicker back then. Sometimes I would even find myself with my head at the bottom of the bed and feet on the pillow in the morning. I was a bed hog. The last, for sure, has not changed. I guess it's a good thing I have a queen sized bed.
Speaking of howling (earlier on anyway), have you ever heard anyone howl? A person I mean. I have. Never heard a man, but women howl. It's pretty scary to hear that much grief in a woman's voice. That's what you hear when a woman loses family or a partner...unless she's the suffer in silence type. Repressing feelings is bad for you though. I wouldn't recommend it.
Anyway I watched 3 interesting movies today. The Jane Austin Book Club, Le Divorce, and Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her. The first two Kat and I watched while making dough and baking cookies. I'll go into the first in more depth after I've seen it again. It was really good though. Men reading Jane Austin? That's priceless. It turns out that I've seen Le Divorce before, but I couldn't remember much. Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her was interesting, but not for everyone. Very slow moving. It's about these women and how their lives are connected through the people they know and lovers they have.
One of the women in it did a tarot reading for another woman. She said the woman was going to meet a man. The second woman then preceeded to tell the tarot card reader that she had been having dreams and felt like change was coming. I only bring that up because I've had that feeling. I think it's good change too, but I'm still nervous. I don't know what it is, but I can tell someone is holding back. Someone has something to say to me. I don't know who. I don't know what, but I think it will happen before next year begins. I will hope for the best.
Then I realized maybe it's really me who doesn't want to be left in the dark to sleep alone. When I was little I used to run into my parents room in the middle of the night and sleep between them. I did that practically every night. Then I would sleep in the bed from the beginning and my dad would carry me back to my bed after I'd gone to sleep. I was a terrible kicker back then. Sometimes I would even find myself with my head at the bottom of the bed and feet on the pillow in the morning. I was a bed hog. The last, for sure, has not changed. I guess it's a good thing I have a queen sized bed.
Speaking of howling (earlier on anyway), have you ever heard anyone howl? A person I mean. I have. Never heard a man, but women howl. It's pretty scary to hear that much grief in a woman's voice. That's what you hear when a woman loses family or a partner...unless she's the suffer in silence type. Repressing feelings is bad for you though. I wouldn't recommend it.
Anyway I watched 3 interesting movies today. The Jane Austin Book Club, Le Divorce, and Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her. The first two Kat and I watched while making dough and baking cookies. I'll go into the first in more depth after I've seen it again. It was really good though. Men reading Jane Austin? That's priceless. It turns out that I've seen Le Divorce before, but I couldn't remember much. Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her was interesting, but not for everyone. Very slow moving. It's about these women and how their lives are connected through the people they know and lovers they have.
One of the women in it did a tarot reading for another woman. She said the woman was going to meet a man. The second woman then preceeded to tell the tarot card reader that she had been having dreams and felt like change was coming. I only bring that up because I've had that feeling. I think it's good change too, but I'm still nervous. I don't know what it is, but I can tell someone is holding back. Someone has something to say to me. I don't know who. I don't know what, but I think it will happen before next year begins. I will hope for the best.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Morning Person
Who ever thought this could be? I always used to be grumpy in the morning. I never talked in the morning and if anyone tried to elicit intellectual conversation from me, I would glare and grunt in response. Very lady like I know. I guess making sure Luca doesn't pee in his bed is a good motivation. The problem is that I'm dead on my feet by 10 PM. That's our (Luca and my) bed time. With this medication he's on, New Years is going to be even more of a problem. I guess I'll have to wear him out pretty well in the afternoon? Then walk him after the game. Then I'm good to go until the morning. I think getting one of those turf things for peeing inside would be a good idea, but those are expensive....
Anyway! Yesterday I was looking through movies on itunes and I came across this group that look amazing. They're all about love and relationships, but they're not your typical chick flicks. They seem to be unique in an Away We Go and Waitress sort of way. I also finally bought Sin Nombre. It's an indie film that looks really good too.
There's a movie called The Jane Austin Book Club. It looks good, although I have always advised against comparing men or life to the characters and plots in her books. One must realize, they're just fantasies. I'm not saying I don't like them, of course I do. I'm a romantic afterall, but I'm rational too, which is why I don't get jealous or territorial. Okay well maybe occasionally, but I'm smart enough to know it's stupid and I should keep it to myself.
But back to the point, my favorite is Pride and Prejudice. I love the book, I love the Keira Knightly/Matthew Macfayden version, and I love the Colin Firth version. The simplest way to describe it is: They have a love/hate relationship; I kind of like you, but I must not admit it relationship; I have duties elsewhere, but I can't stop thinking about you relationship; Marry me, but you say no because you think I'm a jerk, but really I'm just a shy guy relationship; I subtly prove my love and ask you to marry me again and you say yes and we live happily ever after relationship.
Mr. Darcy is the essence of tall, dark and hansome. He's the man every woman wants. He's the one I'd advise you not to look for because he doesn't exist. He's shy, but covers this insecurity with arrogance (Okay that might be real enough). His family has a large amount of money. He dresses well. He's intellegent. He has the kind of brown eyes that you want to drown in when you look into them. He towers over you, so he can sweep you off your feet whenever he wants. He's very loyal to his best friends and would do anything for them. He's more romantic than me.
Like I said, doesn't exist. That's not a bad thing though. Wouldn't someone so perfect get annoying after awhile? I'd like to think so. Humans are flawed. That's okay. I'm afraid of aliens, clowns, abandonment. I'm a little vain sometimes and a little insecure even less frequently. I'm not sure if I'll ever get over my fears, but I won't let them stop me from going to sleep at night or making new friends or falling in love. My insecurities seem to be shrinking every year and compared to the majority of other women, they're basically unoticiable. My vanity? Well if you're attractive and smart shouldn't you know it? Call them flaws if you like. If you're reading this and you're my friend, then you seem to be looking past them. Just like I do for all of my friends.
Anyway! Yesterday I was looking through movies on itunes and I came across this group that look amazing. They're all about love and relationships, but they're not your typical chick flicks. They seem to be unique in an Away We Go and Waitress sort of way. I also finally bought Sin Nombre. It's an indie film that looks really good too.
There's a movie called The Jane Austin Book Club. It looks good, although I have always advised against comparing men or life to the characters and plots in her books. One must realize, they're just fantasies. I'm not saying I don't like them, of course I do. I'm a romantic afterall, but I'm rational too, which is why I don't get jealous or territorial. Okay well maybe occasionally, but I'm smart enough to know it's stupid and I should keep it to myself.
Like I said, doesn't exist. That's not a bad thing though. Wouldn't someone so perfect get annoying after awhile? I'd like to think so. Humans are flawed. That's okay. I'm afraid of aliens, clowns, abandonment. I'm a little vain sometimes and a little insecure even less frequently. I'm not sure if I'll ever get over my fears, but I won't let them stop me from going to sleep at night or making new friends or falling in love. My insecurities seem to be shrinking every year and compared to the majority of other women, they're basically unoticiable. My vanity? Well if you're attractive and smart shouldn't you know it? Call them flaws if you like. If you're reading this and you're my friend, then you seem to be looking past them. Just like I do for all of my friends.
Exhausted
It would seem that 3 days with a puppy has completely worn me out. Not that I'm complaining. Just stating a fact. I would have liked to go to bed 2.5 hours ago, but I decided to spend time with my friends. Unfortunately I wasn't great company since I was tired. I barely spoke a word.
Today I:
Now off to bed. I'm exhausted and tend to divulge my secrets when in such a state.
Today I:
- Found maggots in the flour after I poured it into the dough mix, and therefore have to start from scratch tomorrow.
- Had to clean up a spot where Luca peed on the rug, because he's on medicine that makes him have to pee more.
- Couldn't find a way for him to stop chewing on a wooden magazine holder
- Managed to get him in and out of the car without much difficulty
- Got him to climb up and down (!) the stairs to the second floor
- Made plans to bake cookies with Kat, Vivi and Carol tomorrow
Now off to bed. I'm exhausted and tend to divulge my secrets when in such a state.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Luca
My dad and I picked him up today at 9. I was really nervous. He came right in, bounded up to me and started licking me. He was shaking and hid in my arms. He's the most beautiful boy I've ever seen.
Took him for a couple of walks and now my ankles are sore...probably from hiking through snow covered bushes and ice in my coach boots. He's incredibly smart. Might do some agility training with him.
He's a big boy and afraid of stairs apparently. It took all day to get him used to going up the one step in the front of the house. I got him to go up the stairs to the second floor, but he refused to go down them, so I had to carry him down.
He's like a child and I'm his momma. He follows me everywhere when he can and responds to his new name very well. He's the sweetest boy. I'm really excited for Katya and Micah to meet him tomorrow and help me decorate my Christmas tree.
Took him for a couple of walks and now my ankles are sore...probably from hiking through snow covered bushes and ice in my coach boots. He's incredibly smart. Might do some agility training with him.
He's a big boy and afraid of stairs apparently. It took all day to get him used to going up the one step in the front of the house. I got him to go up the stairs to the second floor, but he refused to go down them, so I had to carry him down.
He's like a child and I'm his momma. He follows me everywhere when he can and responds to his new name very well. He's the sweetest boy. I'm really excited for Katya and Micah to meet him tomorrow and help me decorate my Christmas tree.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
I Can't Spell It Out For You
It would seem I went a day without posting anything. Odd.
Here's why: I did not go to sleep Thursday night. I spent the first half of the night taking care of someone's little brother. I'm sure most of you know how much fun it is to take care of a 6'0 guy who's weaving everywhere and basically a mess. Honestly, I didn't mind too much. That's what older siblings are for right? To help the younger ones especially when they fuck up? I think so. (I'll do another post on siblings later) Somehow I ended up being dragged by my ankles across the floor early in the evening, which was pretty fun actually and tipped back in a chair. Too bad he was to inebriated to catch me before I fell back. Ah well.
Then Hallie and I stayed up talking until 9 AM. I realized part way through that our conversations were going in a circle: From her guy situation, to mine, to family stuff and repeat. There was some random conversation in between. I realized that when I was literally born, Luke was being conceived and that he wasn't even born when I was adopted. Isn't that really weird? I think so.
Felt horrible Friday though and my day completely fell apart, but at least I have new tires now.
Anyway, what really inspired me to write this was a photo I saw of my brother dancing with his girlfriend. It's quite epic for an average college photo. You can't see him, but you can see her face. She has that look. The universal look that a woman gives a man when she absolutely adores him. It looks different on different people, but any woman will always recognize it.
Speaking of relationships - Thursday night freaked me out a little. The little brother I was taking care of got into a fight with his girlfriend and she ended up crying alone in his room. I do not want that to happen to me. There are some factors with them that don't apply to me, but still...They fight a lot. I know a little arguing is healthy. I just don't want to be in a relationship where the guy says hurtful things when he's drunk, likes another girl and doesn't know how to deal with it, and doesn't remember what he said the next morning. That's a pretty shitty place to be especially after being together for 4 years.
I don't have the same insecurities and I'd like to think I wouldn't be attracted to a guy like that. There are certainly other relationships that have lasted as long and not been so problematic.
Anyway, I get Luca in 3 hours. I'm kind of nervous and excited. No doubt, I'll have more to report later.
Here's why: I did not go to sleep Thursday night. I spent the first half of the night taking care of someone's little brother. I'm sure most of you know how much fun it is to take care of a 6'0 guy who's weaving everywhere and basically a mess. Honestly, I didn't mind too much. That's what older siblings are for right? To help the younger ones especially when they fuck up? I think so. (I'll do another post on siblings later) Somehow I ended up being dragged by my ankles across the floor early in the evening, which was pretty fun actually and tipped back in a chair. Too bad he was to inebriated to catch me before I fell back. Ah well.
Then Hallie and I stayed up talking until 9 AM. I realized part way through that our conversations were going in a circle: From her guy situation, to mine, to family stuff and repeat. There was some random conversation in between. I realized that when I was literally born, Luke was being conceived and that he wasn't even born when I was adopted. Isn't that really weird? I think so.
Felt horrible Friday though and my day completely fell apart, but at least I have new tires now.
Anyway, what really inspired me to write this was a photo I saw of my brother dancing with his girlfriend. It's quite epic for an average college photo. You can't see him, but you can see her face. She has that look. The universal look that a woman gives a man when she absolutely adores him. It looks different on different people, but any woman will always recognize it.
Speaking of relationships - Thursday night freaked me out a little. The little brother I was taking care of got into a fight with his girlfriend and she ended up crying alone in his room. I do not want that to happen to me. There are some factors with them that don't apply to me, but still...They fight a lot. I know a little arguing is healthy. I just don't want to be in a relationship where the guy says hurtful things when he's drunk, likes another girl and doesn't know how to deal with it, and doesn't remember what he said the next morning. That's a pretty shitty place to be especially after being together for 4 years.
I don't have the same insecurities and I'd like to think I wouldn't be attracted to a guy like that. There are certainly other relationships that have lasted as long and not been so problematic.
Anyway, I get Luca in 3 hours. I'm kind of nervous and excited. No doubt, I'll have more to report later.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Hope
I guess you could say I'm the kind of person who gets her hopes up a lot. I'm disappointed a lot too. I never give up though. I guess you could say I'm like my dad in that manner. People are the largest source of disappointment. That's okay though, we're human. We make mistakes. I see the best in people and I expect the most. If no one did, would anyone even try? Some people don't realize their potential and some are too afraid to reach for it. We're given a lot of choices to make. We're given second and even third tries, because maybe we didn't realize what we had in the first place.
It's what you do with those second and third tries that matters.
It's what you do with those second and third tries that matters.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
So You Think You Can Dance Finale: Russell Ferguson
This is the dance they started off with for the finale show. Really spectacular
Um I love Sonja. I would do anything to have her as a choreographer. This dance is unique (just like Sonja!) and so expressive! She never turns out a bad routine. Eleanor and Jacob hit everything perfectly.
The third dance was tap. For the first season ever there was not only 1 tapper, but 3. None made it to the final but the dance was pretty good nonetheless.
The next dance on the list was was a new dance by Ashleigh and Ryan (also the choreographers). Full of energy. I don't think I've seen them that energized and happy all season.
Leona Lewis performed before the next performance. I didn't like her dress, but I really want to see Avatar (she performed her song from the soundtrack). So someone better take me when it comes out!
Then the groovaloo's performed! If you don't know who they are...just get out and don't talk to me until you've looked them up. Seriously.
The next dance routine was a contemporary routine. In fact it was the Michael Buble routine from yesterday. The end where he's pounding on the floor, epic!
The next dance was Tyce's choice, bollywood. Always fun. Then they started the elimination project after. This is the point where everyone came out on stage and we found out Russell hurt his leg really badly! I was really upset about that. He needs to win...not that having a hurt let will prevent that, but it's not a great way to end the show. Ryan was the first cut also known as the 6th place dancer.
Next up, Adam Lambert. He had black make up and sparkles under his eyes...He wishes he were Davey Havok. I'll admit I don't mind his voice. What the hell was on his right shoulder though? Weird black stuff. The ending note made me laugh though.
After a look back at this seasons auditions and top 20, they brought the finalists back. The 5th place dancer was Ashleigh, which I think is a good choice.
Legacy and Eleanor danced their Mr. and Mrs. Smith dance next. So good!
Next they showed a previous performance of Russell performing the Frog Dance, since he's injured. He never ceases to amaze me. Then more results. Eleanor was named the 4th place dancer. I'm a little surprised. I would have guessed 3rd. She's a strong woman, a unique dancer and very quirky.
Next dance, was a contemporary piece by channing, nathan, jacob and arianna. It was good. Nothing much to say.
Mary's next choice was from last night. It was the hip hop dance. Russell is never not amazing.
Then Mary J Blige performed her new single"I am." Not too shabby.
"You can try to act single if you wanna
You can go ahead and mingle if you wanna
You can even behave like you don't care
But you know like I know
That you ain't that foolish
Who you foolin'? You won't ruin
What's been here all along"
The last judges pick was Nigel's. He chose the dance where the top 20 could show off their styles. Then they chose the next dancer. 3rd place: Kathryn. I hated her at first because she cried constantly and her voice would get really high, but in the end she matured and is an incredible dancer. At the end she cried again and her voice went high again...
I don't know if you can tell but I'm writing it as the show progresses. So Jacob and Russell are the last 2 standing.
Last performance of the night was Jennifer Lopez. Hot damn. That was a great performance. Over the top. That's what a real womans body looks like. Serious, she's gorgeous. She didn't dance a whole lot, but I doubt anyone noticed. When a latina shakes her booty, people pay attention. She had SYTYCD dancers from this season and favorites from past season dance as her backup dancers. Apparently she has a new album coming out next year. Can't wait!
Then the final decision. First Place: Russell Ferguson. As I predicted, I cried when he won. Not only that I fell on the floor. It was pretty great. I can't say any more. He earned it. Definitely going to see the SYTYCD tour this year
Um I love Sonja. I would do anything to have her as a choreographer. This dance is unique (just like Sonja!) and so expressive! She never turns out a bad routine. Eleanor and Jacob hit everything perfectly.
The third dance was tap. For the first season ever there was not only 1 tapper, but 3. None made it to the final but the dance was pretty good nonetheless.
The next dance on the list was was a new dance by Ashleigh and Ryan (also the choreographers). Full of energy. I don't think I've seen them that energized and happy all season.
Leona Lewis performed before the next performance. I didn't like her dress, but I really want to see Avatar (she performed her song from the soundtrack). So someone better take me when it comes out!
Then the groovaloo's performed! If you don't know who they are...just get out and don't talk to me until you've looked them up. Seriously.
The next dance routine was a contemporary routine. In fact it was the Michael Buble routine from yesterday. The end where he's pounding on the floor, epic!
The next dance was Tyce's choice, bollywood. Always fun. Then they started the elimination project after. This is the point where everyone came out on stage and we found out Russell hurt his leg really badly! I was really upset about that. He needs to win...not that having a hurt let will prevent that, but it's not a great way to end the show. Ryan was the first cut also known as the 6th place dancer.
Next up, Adam Lambert. He had black make up and sparkles under his eyes...He wishes he were Davey Havok. I'll admit I don't mind his voice. What the hell was on his right shoulder though? Weird black stuff. The ending note made me laugh though.
After a look back at this seasons auditions and top 20, they brought the finalists back. The 5th place dancer was Ashleigh, which I think is a good choice.
Legacy and Eleanor danced their Mr. and Mrs. Smith dance next. So good!
Next they showed a previous performance of Russell performing the Frog Dance, since he's injured. He never ceases to amaze me. Then more results. Eleanor was named the 4th place dancer. I'm a little surprised. I would have guessed 3rd. She's a strong woman, a unique dancer and very quirky.
Next dance, was a contemporary piece by channing, nathan, jacob and arianna. It was good. Nothing much to say.
Mary's next choice was from last night. It was the hip hop dance. Russell is never not amazing.
Then Mary J Blige performed her new single"I am." Not too shabby.
"You can try to act single if you wanna
You can go ahead and mingle if you wanna
You can even behave like you don't care
But you know like I know
That you ain't that foolish
Who you foolin'? You won't ruin
What's been here all along"
The last judges pick was Nigel's. He chose the dance where the top 20 could show off their styles. Then they chose the next dancer. 3rd place: Kathryn. I hated her at first because she cried constantly and her voice would get really high, but in the end she matured and is an incredible dancer. At the end she cried again and her voice went high again...
I don't know if you can tell but I'm writing it as the show progresses. So Jacob and Russell are the last 2 standing.
Last performance of the night was Jennifer Lopez. Hot damn. That was a great performance. Over the top. That's what a real womans body looks like. Serious, she's gorgeous. She didn't dance a whole lot, but I doubt anyone noticed. When a latina shakes her booty, people pay attention. She had SYTYCD dancers from this season and favorites from past season dance as her backup dancers. Apparently she has a new album coming out next year. Can't wait!
Then the final decision. First Place: Russell Ferguson. As I predicted, I cried when he won. Not only that I fell on the floor. It was pretty great. I can't say any more. He earned it. Definitely going to see the SYTYCD tour this year
Twinge
There's more than on kind of jealousy. The first thing that pops to mind when most people hear the word, "jealous," is a girl restricting her boyfriend, yelling when he talks to other girls, and spends a lot of time with his boys.
That kind of behavior makes me want to heave. Also it's a bit sexist, because guys act like that a lot too. Really it's just sign that person is insecure, and why bother with that?
Of course there's jealousy born from competition. I don't mean sports. I mean a long history of women competing for "best man" without the man ever knowing. Sometimes it's more obvious, sometimes not. Social events throughout history have been our way of showing off our men, so to speak (men are generally not so subtle at this).
That's part of the whole "beauty is pain" thing. The most attractive woman with the most attractive man...wins. They're more prestigious. I like to think in the modern world more is valued that looks, but the fashion scene is more important than ever. I'll put it this way, my friends and I (the girls) require intelligence in addition to physical attraction. I'll be honest, if a guy isn't extremely attractive to me, then I won't bother, but I won't bother either if he's extremely attractive and not extremely smart. My ladies and I are attractive, intellegent, independent women and we expect no less from our men. I believe you can have it all.
This doesn't mean that there's no competition. There's a reason women talk more about men than men to about women. Again, a generalization, but it tends to be true. Well actually there are many reasons, but I'm talking about competition.
So when a women decides to bring her boyfriend to a social event with friends, it's because she wants approval (to some degree), she wants to integrate groups, and of course, she's showing him off. Then we turn to the other people in the group.
The single ladies, the coupled up ladies, and the dating ladies. If they're true friends, they will be more than happy that their attached friend is happy of course. The single ladies, depending on whether they want to find someone or are content with their status, will be perfectly happy or feel happy and hide slight twinge of jealousy. The coupled up ladies will also be happy for their friend, but be more judgmental (something like: "they seem happy together. is he being a gentleman? is he smart? does he have a good sense of humor? is he attractive?) Then there is the in between group. These ladies tend to be the most jealous. They found men, but haven't secured that relationship yet, so it could go either way. They're thinking, "why the hell don't I have that!"
It's one thing to think these things, it's another to act on it. Sometimes you just get that feeling (whichever group you belong to), but taking your own issues out on the couple or your man isn't okay. That's why I would suggest having a larger group of single friends, if you're single and a larger group of coupled up friends, if you're in a relationship. That's not to say, eliminate the other group. Have plenty of both, but the one you relate to most is good for talking irrational feelings out. They will understand most.
My own position on this subject isn't important, so I won't say anything here.
My advice to guys: If you suspect you are being put up for show, don't feel disrespected. It's not because you're an inanimate object like money, it's because your girl thinks you're amazing and wants other's to see that too. Really it's an honor.
That kind of behavior makes me want to heave. Also it's a bit sexist, because guys act like that a lot too. Really it's just sign that person is insecure, and why bother with that?
Of course there's jealousy born from competition. I don't mean sports. I mean a long history of women competing for "best man" without the man ever knowing. Sometimes it's more obvious, sometimes not. Social events throughout history have been our way of showing off our men, so to speak (men are generally not so subtle at this).
That's part of the whole "beauty is pain" thing. The most attractive woman with the most attractive man...wins. They're more prestigious. I like to think in the modern world more is valued that looks, but the fashion scene is more important than ever. I'll put it this way, my friends and I (the girls) require intelligence in addition to physical attraction. I'll be honest, if a guy isn't extremely attractive to me, then I won't bother, but I won't bother either if he's extremely attractive and not extremely smart. My ladies and I are attractive, intellegent, independent women and we expect no less from our men. I believe you can have it all.
This doesn't mean that there's no competition. There's a reason women talk more about men than men to about women. Again, a generalization, but it tends to be true. Well actually there are many reasons, but I'm talking about competition.
So when a women decides to bring her boyfriend to a social event with friends, it's because she wants approval (to some degree), she wants to integrate groups, and of course, she's showing him off. Then we turn to the other people in the group.
The single ladies, the coupled up ladies, and the dating ladies. If they're true friends, they will be more than happy that their attached friend is happy of course. The single ladies, depending on whether they want to find someone or are content with their status, will be perfectly happy or feel happy and hide slight twinge of jealousy. The coupled up ladies will also be happy for their friend, but be more judgmental (something like: "they seem happy together. is he being a gentleman? is he smart? does he have a good sense of humor? is he attractive?) Then there is the in between group. These ladies tend to be the most jealous. They found men, but haven't secured that relationship yet, so it could go either way. They're thinking, "why the hell don't I have that!"
It's one thing to think these things, it's another to act on it. Sometimes you just get that feeling (whichever group you belong to), but taking your own issues out on the couple or your man isn't okay. That's why I would suggest having a larger group of single friends, if you're single and a larger group of coupled up friends, if you're in a relationship. That's not to say, eliminate the other group. Have plenty of both, but the one you relate to most is good for talking irrational feelings out. They will understand most.
My own position on this subject isn't important, so I won't say anything here.
My advice to guys: If you suspect you are being put up for show, don't feel disrespected. It's not because you're an inanimate object like money, it's because your girl thinks you're amazing and wants other's to see that too. Really it's an honor.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
So You Think You Can Dance Finale: Performance Show
Ryan and Kathryn started the show off well with a samba. Definitely spicey. The control in the beginng of the dance was phenominal. Ryan's hip movement was excellent. Much better than I thought he would be.
Jacob and Eleanor did a Tyce Diorio piece. I love Tyce. I think this was his best piece this season. I actually liked his music choice this time too! Wow! It was just a lot of fun. Basically Jacob was chasing Eleanor? I think that was the point and at the end she was like "no bitch!" and threw him to the ground.
Russell and Ashleigh's first piece (lyrical) was incredibly touching. I kind of teared up. It didn't exactly have a story, but it was more than just a dance. Russell never ceases to amaze me. That's probably why he's my favorite. He isn't one of those dancers who have been taking lessons since their moms signed them up at the age of 5. He found it on his own and he is owning the show. All of the judges hit it right on when they said he has had the most growth during the show. Back to the dance though, Russell was the angsty man (of course that's partly why I loved it...you silly angsty men!) and Ashleigh was his angel. Her dress was beautiful. I liked that they had fans going to emphasize the white billowyness of the dress. Made her more angelic. I actually didn't hate her for once.
Eleanor and Ryan did a very intriguing jazz dance. I say this, because it was very robotic. As Nigel said, "devoid of emotion," but it was so unique. It takes a lot of work to control every move like that; to know when to move robotically and when to move more smoothly. I'm beginning to really appreciate Ryan.
Then Ashleigh and Jacob did the fox trot. I thought it was good, but not as gerat as the 2 previous pieces. The bottom of her dress bothered me a little bit. Didn't work with the dance style, I thought.
Eleanor and Russell did the Paso doble next. I'm always afraid that the couple will mutilate this dance. Honestly, I've seen better, but it was good. Russells passion made up for some of his technical difficulties for sure. Eleanor was just on fire.
Kathryn and Jacob danced to At This Moment by Michael Buble. Such a powerful contemporary piece. Portrayed the struggling couple very well. Nigels first comment was "You guys just stopped the show." I would agree.
Another comment I liked: "this country needs to be aware of how important dance is..."
Ryan and Ashleigh did a contemporary dance next. What makes this interesting is the fact that they're married. It was pretty good. Not like Russell and Ashleighs routine, but still good. There was more tenderness in this piece than in most couple pieces on the show because they actually are a couple. So I appreciate them more at this point, but I don't think either should win.
Russell and Kathryn did a Hip Hop dance. It was the last piece of the night. I thought it was great. At times she was little out of sync with Russell. Russell...He killed that dance. Brought it all. Kathryn was a tiny hardcore gangster! She hit everything and I doubt most people watching it saw her little mistakes. Great way to end the season.
Apparently JLO is performing tomorrow night? Woah!
Jacob and Eleanor did a Tyce Diorio piece. I love Tyce. I think this was his best piece this season. I actually liked his music choice this time too! Wow! It was just a lot of fun. Basically Jacob was chasing Eleanor? I think that was the point and at the end she was like "no bitch!" and threw him to the ground.
Russell and Ashleigh's first piece (lyrical) was incredibly touching. I kind of teared up. It didn't exactly have a story, but it was more than just a dance. Russell never ceases to amaze me. That's probably why he's my favorite. He isn't one of those dancers who have been taking lessons since their moms signed them up at the age of 5. He found it on his own and he is owning the show. All of the judges hit it right on when they said he has had the most growth during the show. Back to the dance though, Russell was the angsty man (of course that's partly why I loved it...you silly angsty men!) and Ashleigh was his angel. Her dress was beautiful. I liked that they had fans going to emphasize the white billowyness of the dress. Made her more angelic. I actually didn't hate her for once.
Eleanor and Ryan did a very intriguing jazz dance. I say this, because it was very robotic. As Nigel said, "devoid of emotion," but it was so unique. It takes a lot of work to control every move like that; to know when to move robotically and when to move more smoothly. I'm beginning to really appreciate Ryan.
Then Ashleigh and Jacob did the fox trot. I thought it was good, but not as gerat as the 2 previous pieces. The bottom of her dress bothered me a little bit. Didn't work with the dance style, I thought.
Eleanor and Russell did the Paso doble next. I'm always afraid that the couple will mutilate this dance. Honestly, I've seen better, but it was good. Russells passion made up for some of his technical difficulties for sure. Eleanor was just on fire.
Kathryn and Jacob danced to At This Moment by Michael Buble. Such a powerful contemporary piece. Portrayed the struggling couple very well. Nigels first comment was "You guys just stopped the show." I would agree.
Another comment I liked: "this country needs to be aware of how important dance is..."
Ryan and Ashleigh did a contemporary dance next. What makes this interesting is the fact that they're married. It was pretty good. Not like Russell and Ashleighs routine, but still good. There was more tenderness in this piece than in most couple pieces on the show because they actually are a couple. So I appreciate them more at this point, but I don't think either should win.
Russell and Kathryn did a Hip Hop dance. It was the last piece of the night. I thought it was great. At times she was little out of sync with Russell. Russell...He killed that dance. Brought it all. Kathryn was a tiny hardcore gangster! She hit everything and I doubt most people watching it saw her little mistakes. Great way to end the season.
Apparently JLO is performing tomorrow night? Woah!
Year In Review
I think it's as good a time as any to do this.
I'll start with some major events: Krystal was put down, being depressed at college in New York, being in the first serious relationship since Harlan, moving home, moving from South Portland to Portland, getting up the courage to send a message on fb to this girl from Alaska (Hallie!), becoming friends with her, meeting other people, being in a relatively good place with Luke, finally convincing my parents to let me have a dog.
College/Academic: This semester has been way better. I actually enjoyed a couple of my classes. I've been thinking seriously about my future. No depression!
Family: Well it started out rough, but it's been improving. Last year my mom and I had the best relationship. Probably because I was 5 hours away and she wasn't telling me what to do. Then I came home and we had to move. I was anemic, which made it harder. Lots of arguing. Now I'd say it's bickering. My parents aren't arguing as much between themselves either. Still there arguements, while I'm in the next room watching tv and listening to see which one is out of place. Sometimes I call them out on it. They act more like children fighting than anyone else I know...which is probably why I feel like I don't have to listen to them anymore. But like I said it's a lot better.
Friends: Many new friends, but more importantly I met Hallie. It's nice to have someone you can tell anything to and vice versa. A lot of my friends I feel that way about, but you can never have enough. I feel lucky. It's one thing to "know" many people. It's another to have what I have. I now have more friends who are girls than guys (crazy! but awesome). Plus Hallie has basically been adopted by my parents and me :)
Pets: I know, I go on and on about Luca. I'm pretty damn excited for him. I missed Krystal so much. I still do some, but I don't really feel like she's gone. When I think about it, she was like the dog version of me: Happy, Optimistic, funny, loving and incredibly stubborn when she wanted to be. Luca won't replace her, but he'll be my companion through the next stage of my life. Krystal was there through my adolescence. Luca will see me through my 20's.
Men: I saved this one for last, because I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to say. It's been an interesting year. I started it out with a mistake. I'm kind of okay with that. I did learn something afterall. I don't like guys who are thinner than me, are needy, and think that buying everything for a girl makes for a good relationship (I even tried to convince him he was gay! (he had 10 times more clothes and shoes than me)). Then I began to wonder if there would ever be anyone who I would actually enjoy dating for more than 3 weeks. I even made a list in March:
1. Confident – Sure of self but not overly arrogant.
2. Independent – Has his own life and doesn’t depend on me to make them 100% happy. Not clingy.
3. Kind – Not just too people he know but to others as well.
4. Laid Back – calm and collected in most situations
5. Smart – reads, listens/watches news and understands, cares about world issues.
6. Open Minded – Listens to and thinks about other peoples ideas politely
7. Listens/Is Perceptive – Doesn’t talk incessantly and has the ability to listen and understand what others say.
8. Funny – Can make fun of himself and act quirky.
9. Honest – Believes lying is bad in any situation except surprises and doesn’t hide his problems.
10. Healthy – eats well enough; takes care of himself;
11. Practical about Money – Doesn’t spend excessive amounts of money on clothes, food, events on himself or others except on special occasions. Saves money.
12. Individual – Doesn’t act/dress like others to fit in. Shows personality.
13. Diligent – Works hard at his job/what he loves to do.
14. Attractive (to me) – Preferably short brown hair, brown eyes, masculine jaw line, tall or short (5'6), bright smile.
Of course that's a list of someone who's perfect in my eyes. Perfection doesn't actually exist. I knew that would narrow the search greatly, but that was the point. Not to have this exact man, but close enough. Now look again. Does this actually describe anyone? Can't be can it?
That's when I went, oh shit. This summer that is. I guess I'll say that I was warned over and over to be careful. Things get complicated when there's a past. The last couple of months have been confusing for sure. There was a point where I was really unsure and thought going back to the general dating thing would be better. That was interesting....At one point a guy I originally thought was gay had a crush on me. Then came the 26 year old Mainer. Some thought he was too young for me. Some made up teams. Team R and Team L.
They were all for Team R.
Imani and I were for Team L.
People say friends have no say in their dating decisions. I don't think that's true. However in my case, I said "fuck you all. if I hear one more negative word out of you, I'll punch you in the face (you know...the usual violent threat)."
In the end there was only ever one team anyway.
I'll start with some major events: Krystal was put down, being depressed at college in New York, being in the first serious relationship since Harlan, moving home, moving from South Portland to Portland, getting up the courage to send a message on fb to this girl from Alaska (Hallie!), becoming friends with her, meeting other people, being in a relatively good place with Luke, finally convincing my parents to let me have a dog.
College/Academic: This semester has been way better. I actually enjoyed a couple of my classes. I've been thinking seriously about my future. No depression!
Family: Well it started out rough, but it's been improving. Last year my mom and I had the best relationship. Probably because I was 5 hours away and she wasn't telling me what to do. Then I came home and we had to move. I was anemic, which made it harder. Lots of arguing. Now I'd say it's bickering. My parents aren't arguing as much between themselves either. Still there arguements, while I'm in the next room watching tv and listening to see which one is out of place. Sometimes I call them out on it. They act more like children fighting than anyone else I know...which is probably why I feel like I don't have to listen to them anymore. But like I said it's a lot better.
Friends: Many new friends, but more importantly I met Hallie. It's nice to have someone you can tell anything to and vice versa. A lot of my friends I feel that way about, but you can never have enough. I feel lucky. It's one thing to "know" many people. It's another to have what I have. I now have more friends who are girls than guys (crazy! but awesome). Plus Hallie has basically been adopted by my parents and me :)
Pets: I know, I go on and on about Luca. I'm pretty damn excited for him. I missed Krystal so much. I still do some, but I don't really feel like she's gone. When I think about it, she was like the dog version of me: Happy, Optimistic, funny, loving and incredibly stubborn when she wanted to be. Luca won't replace her, but he'll be my companion through the next stage of my life. Krystal was there through my adolescence. Luca will see me through my 20's.
Men: I saved this one for last, because I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to say. It's been an interesting year. I started it out with a mistake. I'm kind of okay with that. I did learn something afterall. I don't like guys who are thinner than me, are needy, and think that buying everything for a girl makes for a good relationship (I even tried to convince him he was gay! (he had 10 times more clothes and shoes than me)). Then I began to wonder if there would ever be anyone who I would actually enjoy dating for more than 3 weeks. I even made a list in March:
1. Confident – Sure of self but not overly arrogant.
2. Independent – Has his own life and doesn’t depend on me to make them 100% happy. Not clingy.
3. Kind – Not just too people he know but to others as well.
4. Laid Back – calm and collected in most situations
5. Smart – reads, listens/watches news and understands, cares about world issues.
6. Open Minded – Listens to and thinks about other peoples ideas politely
7. Listens/Is Perceptive – Doesn’t talk incessantly and has the ability to listen and understand what others say.
8. Funny – Can make fun of himself and act quirky.
9. Honest – Believes lying is bad in any situation except surprises and doesn’t hide his problems.
10. Healthy – eats well enough; takes care of himself;
11. Practical about Money – Doesn’t spend excessive amounts of money on clothes, food, events on himself or others except on special occasions. Saves money.
12. Individual – Doesn’t act/dress like others to fit in. Shows personality.
13. Diligent – Works hard at his job/what he loves to do.
14. Attractive (to me) – Preferably short brown hair, brown eyes, masculine jaw line, tall or short (5'6), bright smile.
Of course that's a list of someone who's perfect in my eyes. Perfection doesn't actually exist. I knew that would narrow the search greatly, but that was the point. Not to have this exact man, but close enough. Now look again. Does this actually describe anyone? Can't be can it?
That's when I went, oh shit. This summer that is. I guess I'll say that I was warned over and over to be careful. Things get complicated when there's a past. The last couple of months have been confusing for sure. There was a point where I was really unsure and thought going back to the general dating thing would be better. That was interesting....At one point a guy I originally thought was gay had a crush on me. Then came the 26 year old Mainer. Some thought he was too young for me. Some made up teams. Team R and Team L.
They were all for Team R.
Imani and I were for Team L.
People say friends have no say in their dating decisions. I don't think that's true. However in my case, I said "fuck you all. if I hear one more negative word out of you, I'll punch you in the face (you know...the usual violent threat)."
In the end there was only ever one team anyway.
I Told You So
I'd just like to take a moment to tell you (if you doubted) that I told you so on 2 accounts.
One of them arrives on Saturday morning. One I'm hoping to have by new years.
Speaking of Luca. Today on my way to Burlington coat factory, I was listening to music and looking for a song that I could sing to him. I used to sing You Are My Sunshine to Krystal. It was funny because she would lying down, lift her head and cock it to the side, put it down, sigh (as though she was thinking you're singing to me again? crazy girl), and close her eyes. So in the car 1 2 3 4 by the Plain White T's came on and I thought that was pretty perfect.
Also, I used to have weird names for krystal. When I did my puppy voice with her I'd say "who's my puppy? oh she's my puppy!" or "who's my cutie girl? oh who's my little cutie girl? are you my little cutie girl?" or "she's my puppy. yes she is! she's a goo girl!" or "you're my little princess puppy girl"
Now that I think about it, I rarely used her name unless I was calling her to come back into the house. I still occasionally use that voice to bug Katya. I'll say "who's goo- girl? are you a goo- girl? she's a little kitty!" Then of course Kat will glare at me evilly and/or attack me. It makes me laugh every time.
I wonder what I will come up with for Luca...oh dear. I just had a funny though. What if I mix him up with Luke. You know you would laugh if I accidentally mixed them up and started using my puppy voice on Luke. Imani would most likely die of laughter.
One of them arrives on Saturday morning. One I'm hoping to have by new years.
Speaking of Luca. Today on my way to Burlington coat factory, I was listening to music and looking for a song that I could sing to him. I used to sing You Are My Sunshine to Krystal. It was funny because she would lying down, lift her head and cock it to the side, put it down, sigh (as though she was thinking you're singing to me again? crazy girl), and close her eyes. So in the car 1 2 3 4 by the Plain White T's came on and I thought that was pretty perfect.
Also, I used to have weird names for krystal. When I did my puppy voice with her I'd say "who's my puppy? oh she's my puppy!" or "who's my cutie girl? oh who's my little cutie girl? are you my little cutie girl?" or "she's my puppy. yes she is! she's a goo girl!" or "you're my little princess puppy girl"
Now that I think about it, I rarely used her name unless I was calling her to come back into the house. I still occasionally use that voice to bug Katya. I'll say "who's goo- girl? are you a goo- girl? she's a little kitty!" Then of course Kat will glare at me evilly and/or attack me. It makes me laugh every time.
I wonder what I will come up with for Luca...oh dear. I just had a funny though. What if I mix him up with Luke. You know you would laugh if I accidentally mixed them up and started using my puppy voice on Luke. Imani would most likely die of laughter.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Barely Getting By
That's now how I feel. But recently I've been reconsidering my major. I like to help people, and I like to help athletes more than regular people, because I don't want to take their addictions home with me, their suicides, their torn apart homes...
There's no doubt that I could be at the top of my class in my mind, but I'm not. I do amazingly well and then I stop. Just stop. I'm beginning to realize I have this fear. Then I think, Really Rosalba? Who the hell has a fear of doing well? This past summer Northeastern University accepted me. When I received the email, I was so in disbelief that I started crying and immediately called my parents. I couldn't understand why they accepted me. Earlier I had withdrawn my application from BC and BU because I had decided to go to USM. Partly it was because I didn't think I'd get in, partly it was because I knew I needed something closer to home, at least for my sophomore year. I needed to recover from a bad year. I had the opportunity to go to NU though and I declined. I know that was a smart decision and I don't regret it, but I think the feeling is connected.
Now that I think about it, it's probably connected to my baby experiences. I never like doing anything if I don't know I'll succeed right away, which is ridiculous and I'm better at that now. I guess I don't know that I'll be the successful sport psychologist I want to be. I don't want to go through another 7 years of college to find out that I'm not going to be one of the best in the field. Logically I know I can be the best, but then fear isn't logical.
The other thing is that what I really want to do is write. I love writing. I could write almost all day, every day. Poems, stories, scripts, reviews, analytical papers (if I like the subject). I'm a little bit of a free bird. I like to do things in my own time, the way I want to do them. Of all people, my parents know this the most.
Ex.
Parents: Can you vacuum this week?
Me: yup
2 weeks later
Parents: have you vacuumed yet?
Me: Not yet, I'll do it tomorrow
next day
Parents: The house doesn't look vacuumed...
Me: I'll do it when I get a chance
A month later
Parents: If you don't vacuum, you can't get a dog
Me: if you don't trust me to clean up in my own time, then I'm not going to vacuum
3 days later
Me: Guess I'll vacuum now
Psychology is the opposite of do what you want, when you want. There's a schedule, there are appointments, there's writing with critical deadlines and none of it is fun. I would enjoy working with athletes and helping people makes me happy. Studying people is extremely intriguing to me, but writing is too.
The thing is, most writers also teach. I don't want to teach. I would probably make a good english teacher, but I don't want to do that.
Is it weird that I have loved my creative writing class this semester, and I have written each piece way in advance. Where as I have not been so enthusiastic about my Nature/Nurture class and definitely not my Psych 101 class. I guess I've been realizing all of this this semester.
What to do, What to do...
__________________
On a separate note, Hallie and I attended a police poetry readings. Many of them were inspiring and touching. A couple made me tear up. I knew I had to buy the calander with all of the poems in it.
On to study for a psych exam tomorrow that I don't want to study for.
There's no doubt that I could be at the top of my class in my mind, but I'm not. I do amazingly well and then I stop. Just stop. I'm beginning to realize I have this fear. Then I think, Really Rosalba? Who the hell has a fear of doing well? This past summer Northeastern University accepted me. When I received the email, I was so in disbelief that I started crying and immediately called my parents. I couldn't understand why they accepted me. Earlier I had withdrawn my application from BC and BU because I had decided to go to USM. Partly it was because I didn't think I'd get in, partly it was because I knew I needed something closer to home, at least for my sophomore year. I needed to recover from a bad year. I had the opportunity to go to NU though and I declined. I know that was a smart decision and I don't regret it, but I think the feeling is connected.
Now that I think about it, it's probably connected to my baby experiences. I never like doing anything if I don't know I'll succeed right away, which is ridiculous and I'm better at that now. I guess I don't know that I'll be the successful sport psychologist I want to be. I don't want to go through another 7 years of college to find out that I'm not going to be one of the best in the field. Logically I know I can be the best, but then fear isn't logical.
The other thing is that what I really want to do is write. I love writing. I could write almost all day, every day. Poems, stories, scripts, reviews, analytical papers (if I like the subject). I'm a little bit of a free bird. I like to do things in my own time, the way I want to do them. Of all people, my parents know this the most.
Ex.
Parents: Can you vacuum this week?
Me: yup
2 weeks later
Parents: have you vacuumed yet?
Me: Not yet, I'll do it tomorrow
next day
Parents: The house doesn't look vacuumed...
Me: I'll do it when I get a chance
A month later
Parents: If you don't vacuum, you can't get a dog
Me: if you don't trust me to clean up in my own time, then I'm not going to vacuum
3 days later
Me: Guess I'll vacuum now
Psychology is the opposite of do what you want, when you want. There's a schedule, there are appointments, there's writing with critical deadlines and none of it is fun. I would enjoy working with athletes and helping people makes me happy. Studying people is extremely intriguing to me, but writing is too.
The thing is, most writers also teach. I don't want to teach. I would probably make a good english teacher, but I don't want to do that.
Is it weird that I have loved my creative writing class this semester, and I have written each piece way in advance. Where as I have not been so enthusiastic about my Nature/Nurture class and definitely not my Psych 101 class. I guess I've been realizing all of this this semester.
What to do, What to do...
__________________
On a separate note, Hallie and I attended a police poetry readings. Many of them were inspiring and touching. A couple made me tear up. I knew I had to buy the calander with all of the poems in it.
On to study for a psych exam tomorrow that I don't want to study for.
Playlists
Okay well I have many writing options at this point, so I'll start with this one: Music Playlists.
I probably have way too many.
Here's a list of them:
- 90's
- 10 different playlists to cover songs from 2000-2009 (will probably condense them before the end of the decade (holy shit! It's been a decade since people thought the world would go haywire)
- Alternative
- Angry
- Chill
- Dance
- Disney (DUH!)
- Hurt/Sad
- Kick Ass
- Love
- Party Mix
- Portland Pirates (songs played for warm ups/throughout the game etc)
- Refreshing (Michael Buble, Frank Sinatra, some other classics)
- Workout
Party Mix - It's pretty simple. I like to dance and sing...all the time. In my car, while I'm cooking, while I'm cleaning, while I'm working, while I'm walking downtown with Hallie (yes we have walked down Spring Street singing Michael Buble), while I'm doing absolutely nothing, while I'm getting ready....you get the point. Basically it's a compilation of pop, dance and some Michael Buble. Other artists include: Lady Gaga (because she's amazing!), 3OH!3, Britney Spears, MGMT, Billy Joel, JT, Gi Gi D'Agostino, Pitbull, and Michael Jackson. My 2 favorite songs from the playlist are: Telephone by Lady Gaga (feat. Beyonce) and Sexy Bitch by David Guetta (feat. Akon). Not saying all the musical talent is genious, but it's entertaining and that's all that really matters to me.
Love - Well I'm an optimist so I kind of have to have this one right? Some of my favorite songs are on this list actually. I counted: 18 of the songs are by Michael Buble. The songs are very uplifting, which is why I like them. Happy songs for a happy person. I played it yesterday while we were preparing latkes, but my mother had a headache, so I had to turn it off. I don't like cooking as much without music. Anyway, artists include: Michael Buble Jason Chain, Teddy Geiger, Peter Gabriel, Shwn Colvin, The Fray, Ivy, Evan & Jaron, Faith Hill, Shania Twain, Taylor Swift, Basshunter, and Tom Petty. Top 2 favorite songs (and overall favorites): If My Heart Was A House by Owl City and Everything by Michael Buble.
Taking Chances by Celine Dion - Celine is all about the love, so of course she's in this category. This song first caught my attention during season 4(?) of So You Think You Can Dance. I love how it starts off slow and then she starts belting. I also like the general meaning behind the song. I'm always saying take chances. I often quote this songs too.
"What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
or hand to hold, or hell to pay"
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
or hand to hold, or hell to pay"
Everything by Michael Buble - It's a simple song, but it's one you can't help dancing around too. To me it's the ultimate happy love song. His voice is inspirational. I've never believe that the person you love should be your "everything," but the general message is great. I also tend to quote this song and put a link to the music video on facebook frequently.
"And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything."
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything."
You Got Me by Jason Chain - I found it by way of the Sweet Home Alabama soundtrack. (I love that movie!) The guitar is uplifting from the start. His voice makes the song bubbly and catchy. Once again, relatable. It's that overwhelmingly happy/you're driving me insane type feeling.
"You got me walking backwards
You got me thinking sideways
You got me talking circles
You got me losing my way
You got me crossing every line
You got me just in time"
You got me thinking sideways
You got me talking circles
You got me losing my way
You got me crossing every line
You got me just in time"
Because I Love You by September - I discovered September early freshman year of college. I was pretty much obsessed with her and had a little bit of a girl crush on her. I think I listened to this song on repeat for at least a month. It's so catchy! Not my favorite by her, but definitely second. I can't not dance to this song. It's physically impossible for me.
"I'd rather be with you whenever
Than without you all the time
And I will forgive you whatever
Just to say that you are mine
Because I love you"
Than without you all the time
And I will forgive you whatever
Just to say that you are mine
Because I love you"
Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T's - I think we all know this song. It was pretty popular during the summer of '07 (?). It's one of those songs that I descovered before it was played every 10 minutes and then I got sick of it. There has been enough time since then for me to enjoy the song again. It's mellow and simple. That's what makes it so great. I also like to sing this one.
Knock You Down by Keri Hilson and Kanye West - Okay, so it's a recent pop song. So what? It's catchy and happy. I can belt out Keri Hilsons part and I do it constantly. It has an optimistic view on love, so that makes it all the better.
"Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down"
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down"
Fallin' For You by Colbie Caillat - Once again, another song/album I found before it went on the radio. In my opinion it captures the happy/giddy feeling you have when you are falling for someone. Yet the song is pretty relaxing. I love her voice and have 2 other songs from her also on the playlist. The message is simple and clearly stated. I think simplicity is often underated. As for the music video, well I really like it. It's the funny/quirky things that matter, not the smoothness of lines being delivered.
Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble - Well obviously it's not an I'm-in-love-now song, but it's optimistic about finding someone special...I guess you could say, your soulmate. Personally I'm still not quite convinced that soulmates exist. Probably because it's scarier to believe in them. This song is the most uplifting song. I think it's kind of like the new single girls anthem. I love the song, but I don't really relate to it as a whole. I like quote one line though:
"Promise you kid, I'll give so much more than I get"
If My Heart Was A House by Owl City - This is the song right now for me. It makes me so happy, I almost always tear up, but for sure, it makes me smile. The verses are pretty calming, then the chorus is like a burst of energy. It seems pretty contradicting, but it works. I don't think I can explain why I have such a strong reaction to it accurately. It's kind like if you're thinking about someone and that path of thought leads you to a really happy memory and suddenly there's an overwhelming sense of warmth...kind of like that...kind of.
"Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home"
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home"
One Sweet Love by Sara Boreilles - She fits into the catagory with Colbie Caillat. Her voice is very soothing. I listened to both of them a lot during the first year of college...not because their songs had meaning to me, but because they made me happy, at least temporarily. I used a verse for my away message sometimes.
"Sleepless nights you creep inside of me
Paint your shadows on the breath that we share
You take more than just my sanity
You take my reason not to care.
No ordinary wings I'll need
The sky itself will carry me back to you
The things I dream that I can do I'll open up
The moon for you
Just come down soon"
Paint your shadows on the breath that we share
You take more than just my sanity
You take my reason not to care.
No ordinary wings I'll need
The sky itself will carry me back to you
The things I dream that I can do I'll open up
The moon for you
Just come down soon"
Here (In Your Arms) Remix by Hellogoodbye - I can't remember when I discovered this song. I think around the time of Hey There Delilah, because I relate it to the same person. This is a great song - straightforward, catchy and who hasn't felt this way about someone?
"I like where you sleep,
When you sleep, next to me.
I like where you sleep... here
Our lips, can touch
And our cheeks, can brush
Our lips can touch here
Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me
Whisper's "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly"
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms"
When you sleep, next to me.
I like where you sleep... here
Our lips, can touch
And our cheeks, can brush
Our lips can touch here
Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me
Whisper's "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly"
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms"
1,2,3,4 by the Plain White T's - Again a catchy song, but not so typical. The pace is great. However, I get tired of it if I listen to it too many times.
"Give me more lovin' then I've ever had.
Make it all better when I'm feelin sad.
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not.
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad.
Barely gettin' mad,
I'm so glad I found you.
I love bein' around you."
Make it all better when I'm feelin sad.
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not.
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad.
Barely gettin' mad,
I'm so glad I found you.
I love bein' around you."
The Best Thing by Savage Garden - What would this playlist be if I didn't add corny '90s pop? Nothing. In fact I had 2 otherThe meaning of the song may not be so profound, but in fact I do really like it. If I hear it, I'm going to be up dancing and singing of course!
"Farewell peace of mind, kiss goodbye to reason
Up is down, the impossible occurs each day
This intoxication thrills me
I only pray it doesn't kill me"
Up is down, the impossible occurs each day
This intoxication thrills me
I only pray it doesn't kill me"
Bubbly by Colbie Caillat - I think the title describes the song pretty well. In my opinion the song portrays that bubbly/happy feeling exactly, but I like the mellow quality too.
"I've been asleep for a while now.
You tucked me in just like a child now.
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms,
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth.
It starts in my soul,
And I lose all control.
When you kiss my nose,
The feeling shows.
'Cause you make me smile.
Baby just take your time now,
Holding me tight."
You tucked me in just like a child now.
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms,
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth.
It starts in my soul,
And I lose all control.
When you kiss my nose,
The feeling shows.
'Cause you make me smile.
Baby just take your time now,
Holding me tight."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)